On the serious note.. I know i am in a mess.. Jus tat i am so used to console myself tat it turns out tat i am running away from the reality.. From the reality tat i am pretty much a rundown person..in a big mess..a burden.

Wat am i doing to myself.. Each time i am faced with a prob i will try to calm myself and think positively. It may sounded the right thing to do but actually its another way of running away from them..

Its been a month plus without a job and i am actually very stress abt it but i tried to overcalm tat feelings by going out frequently to meet my frens.. Get the pic? trying to be calm but actually i am running away from the real problem and not putting effort to make it work.

Someone make me realise tat.. And now i sees it.. I am not putting in all the effort tat i ought to.. True i do send out resumes regularly on the net..But tat alone is not enough.. I really need to snap out of this cesspit.

I should not go out aimlessly anymore unless i have enough cash with me or out to find a job.Honestly i go out also its because i feel so alone.. Tat part is killing me.Frens.. how long can we depend on them? They may look ok to u but like u said who knows behind u they are jus bitching abt u.As matter of fact its best not to depend on anyone. Thats the right way..I am sorry.. Sorry for myself.Sorry for the frens tat have to endure to my shit.

I deserve this.. I deserve to be alone for now to get things str8.. I cant count on anyone and i will not. I dun wan to be someone whom depends on others. I am bringing myself down. I need to set my priorities str8.

Apart from tat, i need you to believe in me.. I am stubborn i admit tat. We all have tat level of stubborness in us sometimes. But i am not using it as an excuese for wat i am now. Its jus a part of me tat i am constantly trying to fight. I am not lying to u. No.. As much as i want to make u happy sometimes it jus turn the other way round.
I need to get this ground right. All the late nite talks we have, i do listen to wat u r saying. Jus tat i cant change overnight but God i am putting in the effort no matter how small it is. I am pushing myself now not because of u alone but for my own good as well. I do want to be the figure behind ur shadows tat gives u support. No one ever knows me well like u do. Sometimes when u sms me ur sincere thoughts i get so speechless.. I am honestly touched tat there is someone who actually really really cares for me.

I just need to prove it to u now tat i can do it...I am pushing and pushing myself now..