Hmmm for the past days i guess my emotions been on the rocks..Tis is wat happens when u got the whole world to u. U got the to think a lot and reflect.. No doubt getting to know the CB members put more spice and color to my life.. But i dunno how long i can go on like tat.. Right now my main concern as the days go by my finance start to deplete bit by bit and soon enuff my prepaid value would be zero.. When tat happens i guess i would be entering my darkest self time again..

Oh well i hope it wont be so bad.. I shall try to make the best of wat i can. I definitely dun wan to go back to my darkest moments again..

Tat aside.. Thru my life or should i say in general in everyone's life we will go thru the relationship thing.. Where u meet someone u like and hope it last as long as it can but somehow along the road things got messy and the journey ends.. I bet it happens to all of us.. For my case i dunno y.. Though its been time and time again i been hurt searching for this so called LOVE hoping finally i am able to share my life with tat someone. I dunno y i am not giving up looking.. I jus keep on trying and trying eventhough i know the process of finding one can be so demoralising and heart wrenching..

How many times have we come across the situations where u like tis person but tis person loves another or they are jus trying to recover from a bad relationship and so on.. Tat jus makes u wan to give up right... Basically tats wat i think i should be doin but i dunno why i am not.. Maybe its jus one of my nature huh.. Nevertheless i admit there are times i jus wanna stop doing everything jus dun bother at all but i cant cos i know how terrible it is to be alone.,. Ya we have frens but frens and a lover are 2 diff thing. Both are equally impt.

All i can offer now is jus my sincerity to be my bubbly cheerful self.. There is also a saying the most calm person is the actually the most unstable person.. I guess its true for my case. Haiz.. i got so many issues.. partly low self esteem due to the breakups i went thru, my self confidence went down bit by bit this resulting me having inferiority complex..

Now all i can do is try to make myself feel sane as long as possible my darkest and saddest moments are yet to come.. Sometimes i feel so alone then i jus take the pillow and force myself to sleep.. Tat way i can dream i am somewhere nice with tat special someone or anything nice.. Tats how i deal with myself sometimes..Now as much as i yearn to be loved i know its not coming my way any sooner.. i jus need to try to deal with tat... If one day someone tend to fall for me.. love me for my personality and and character cos tats wat i can offer nothing more nothing less my sincerity..