Right now.. I jus dunno wats happening.. Ever heard the phrase "It only take 10 seconds to fall in love" but it also takes the same time to fall heartbroken. Urgh.. my mind is in a mess feels like i could burst any moment!! I am sad i am angry i am everything u can think off.

Do i deserve to love especially in tis spot tat i am being jobless and always having trouble in financial issues trying to make ends meet. Heck i even have difficulty to go out with my frens whom i wish i could be ard them all the time.Let alone to go on dates..I cant expect my date to treat me cos its not right. I dun wan to feel as if i am making use of tat person. No i dun! I cant live cooked up at home all the time. It pains me to even ask my mom for money cos she herself is not working now. Whats wrong with me. Whats wrong! I feel so helpless god damn it and i hate tat. Why can't i jus have a normal life?! I know tis is jus a part and parcel of life. Life is full of ups and downs. Why am i being punished this way.. It took me a great deal to find love and when i eventually found it.. I cant quite grasp it. I wanna break down really i want cos i cant accomplish anything not at tis rate.Yet i yearn for tat special companionship..

I really dun want to loose tat someone. U are so special. I am always known for the type "its all or nothing" i dun wan to settle for anything less. But its not entirely up to me to decide. I can only persevere so much.. Still i dun want to back down i dun wanna. but its making u in a tight spot trying to decide.. And i cant take it if we jus be frens cos to me once i dated tat person we r no longer frens we r something more. Face up to reality how can someone whom dated jus be frens.. After all the journey they went thru..Its so insane if anyone think tat is possible..

Man... i am so mad.. mad at myself. Cos i cant even juggle my life right. I am stuck here.. I need to get over this mess! Shit i cant pretend everything is allright anymore cos its not! I cant keep saying "its ok"..Cos its not..So wat can i say.. I open up my heart to love and again i am being hurt.. So is'nt it better i jus die. At least my misery in this world will end. I jus deal with my sins in the afterworld.But if i were to die tat would jus mean i give up and i am not tat kind of person who gives up easily. Only when i tried my best and i dun achieve wat i aimed then i would give up..

For this case i am jus confuse.. Should i stay. If i stay U would be in a tight spot and the other person would be in a bad position too. If i go.. the only person who would suffer is me.. Come to think of it i may get immune to it since i am always the one who suffer. But still i dun wan to go. I jus cant. Why God u r playing with my heart.. It hurts so much. I can only handle so much of ur games..