Betapa cepat masa berlalu.. Esok akan ku mula kerja baru ku sebagai draftman.. Draftman yg akan dilibatkan dalam projek "Integrated Resort". Sungguh tak ku sangka aku adalah salah satu tenaga sepadu yang akan membina resort ini..

Sungguh tidak dipercayai.. Namun hatiku agak gelisah dan gementar esok.. Dapatkah aku menjalani bahagianku dengan baik? Bolehkah aku memberi prestasi yang kukuh. Aku hanya boleh mencuba segala upayaku..

Cuba untuk mengerti

Baiklah.. aku harus meminta maaf kerna salah anggap kepada seseorang kawan. Walaupun aku hanya inginkan semua berbaik semula.. Namun tindakan aku hanya membawa kepada kesulitan yg tidak di ingini. Suatu salah faham yang tidak seharusnya berlaku..

Justeru itu aku ingin luahkan rasa hatiku kepada masalah salah faham ini untuk menjadikan sebagai pengajaran bagiku.. Sesungguhnya kita adalah manusia yang tidak lari dari membuat salah.

Cuba teliti situasi ini.. Kita hidup berkawan dan apabila antara satu bergaduh yang lain turut juga terlibat.. Namun separuh yang tidak terlibat juga akan cuba melibatkan diri secara automatik.. Mengapa? Mengapa haruskah mereka yg tidak terlibat apabila mendengar pergaduhan itu mula membenci kan kawan itu? dan justeru itu mula mengapi - apikan suasana yg terlebih dahulu sudah gamat..Mereka akan mengambil pihak yg mereka lebih gemari dan akan pula megeluarkan kata kata kesat kepada pihak yg tidak digemari. Mengapa haruskah perkara kecil dihebohkan dgn pihak luar ini?

Bukankah kawan harus cuba untuk menolong membetulkan jikalau ada salah faham antara satu sama lain? Walaupun sedemikian manusia adalah manusia.. Ada manusia yg suka melibatkan diri dan mengheboh-hebohkan suasana. Manusia yg seperti kusebutkan dalam ruangan aku malam ini.. Aku hanya dpt berkata terus terang aku tidak dianggap seperti kawan yang sebenar dan aku sedar lebih lagi selepas melalui masalah ini...

Back for another update. First of all thank u Fir for the congrats msg! woohoo ok now i got a job. ironically the software tat i am hated back then in sch, i am going to use it at my new work place..Tat is autocad. Well i am bit rusty but i wil do my best to get everything together again.. I feel so relieve. Now tat i get tis job i am goin to make the best of it.

I would be the draftsman involving in the Integrated Resort. Sounds scary right. Who would have tot i would be involved in tis big project.. So excited and nervous abt it now. wonder wats in store for me in this company. I would be working at the Concoursse building which is somewhere near bugis..

Gosh tis is the break i need. Time to get myself rightfully on track. Time for a change and work hard..

Arghh wassup seh with this head.. and nose. only one sided is heavy and headache and the running nose its like i turn to my left side the left nostril gets watery i turn to the right the right nostril gest watery. argh.. so wrong timing.. hancurkan plan jer,. baru ingat nak cari kerja nari.. anyway dah Selasa.. cepatkan.. wonder how Vday tahun ni gonna be like..

Is it going to be mr lonely and go out jus to see couples exchanging gifts and kisses.. or i am gonna get something?? he he
well as matter of fact i did get something for my fren last yr. ferrero roche and a stalk of rose which cost 12 bucks man.. at esplanade flower shop.

Oh talking abt flowers. last sat tat i went out and was chillin at riverside mall with Is and Hazy there are ppl with basket full of flowers.. kinda early to be passing flowers dun u think.. Man.. Singaporean would be Singaporean. so kiasu.. Anyway i feel like i am writing rubbish now.. my head suddenly feels light sometimes feels heavy... damn,.. its really really making me feel like wanna puke but i cant..

Alrighty today met Is and Hazy at Orchard. Must say the weather has been great lately with the sun and windy atmosphere. Its like u feel like u are at the beach all the time.. Well to me tat is.. Really feel so so relax.. and its been a while since i feel tat way without nothing to worry abt..Ok when Hazy finally arrive we head down to Lido to eat cos we are all famished. Never eat anything from the moment i woke up. ha ha so we Brunch at macdonald. Must the crowd as not bad la today. So after tat i had a crazy idea.. been a while since i went to arcade so i said hey lets play arcade.

All the way we walk to lucky Plaza. We ended spending abt 10 plus i think jus ot get tickets on the games we played. From shooting the ball to kickin the ball and steering a pirate ship. And oh ya there these 2 mats who were so kind to us. They pass their winning tickets to us all bcos i think hazy said she wanted a teddy bear. haha Thanks Hazy. more pix below.
The Ball thrower game

The winning tickets!

Hazy and Ismail on the kick the ball game


Me kicking the ball man. (Dun i look kiddish??)


Ismail on the remake of The captain of Pirates of the Carribean

Our winnings after xchangin the tix!

So after hrs of playin at the arcade we headed to Riverside mall. Hey its really nice jus by the river and it was a windy night. jus beautiful. Below are the pix of Is and Hazy. What can i say we r camera whore. Jus cant resist taking pics. ha ha.

Me feeling tired. It was almost 10pm. Or at least ard there

Finally posing with Hazy. She's the start of the party tonite. Boy i look like a little boy... damn the short haircut.. so short man the hair..cant even style it.

So that concluded my day for today... jus plain chillin..

Hmm ok here is the thing.. i almost wanted to give up bloggin.. Really was on the brink of jus deleting my account cos i cant get a grasp on myself yet.. I feel more lonelier if there is such word. Guess i am really really suffering from depression.. Man.. how ironic coming from a person who used to be lively and cheerful and so easy going..

I suppose age has catch up with me eventually.. Each time going out with the cbians no doubt i would be reminded of how old i am and tat certainly doesnt feel nice at all.. Not nice cos it jus makes me feel useless.. Cos i have not achieved anything yet.. jus getting older and uglier and fatter and looking ridiculous the more i try to look normal...

Jus look at Fir and Fai both are going somewhere in their lives.. Fir has already have a stable career.. and never looked so much better going to gym and all.. Fai on the other hand.. has bike license(i been wanting to get that but still pending) and is pursuing his degree in physiscs..

I am not comparing my frens with me i am jus trying to show how successful someone can be.. I on the other hand feels wasted..Each day tat passed my mood goes down with it.. I am a let down.. No wonder i am the least liked in the game played by the cbians and wat not.. Though its jus a game but it reflects everyone opinions and tat is the truth.. I dunno y i even bother to try... I know its pointless yet i jus try.. I wont be surprise if i am totally alone one day..No one to talk to..no one to laugh with..

This feeling is so immense at times sometimes when i am alone at home i would jus look into every room.. empty and neat.. I know it wont last.So i am jus trying to take a mental picture of how everything is in this house before its gone. Right now i still have my mom and my elder brother but one by one will go away someday.. My bro will soon get married.. and he will leave the house.. sooner or later i would be left alone.. and if i still couldnt get a job by then.. i am as gd as dead.. cos i cant even afford to support for myself let alone to pay for the bills for the house..

Even as i type this entry i cant stop my tears from flowing.. I am at a point where a convict whose been given the death sentence to jus wait for the final day... Jus waiting for the day where i would pass on.. Leaving nothing but my memories behind.. I am weak now..Everything is lost..my confidence.. my courage... my believes...

Ku tak mampu untuk bergembira lagi...
Di manakah arah tujuanku ku tak tahu..
Diriku sekarang bagaikan tempurung yg kosong..
Hanya menantikan hari ku pergi..
Kuharap aku akan pergi sebelum abg dan ibuku..
Hati ini sebak tidak dpt memberi kebahagian kepadamu..
Segala kasih sayang yg dicurahkan padaku hanya sia sia saja..
Maafkanlah kerna ku membesar menjadi seorang insan yg tidak berguna..
Inginku membalas jasa jasa mu tapi diriku tak mampu...