Was minding my own business jus now doing my usual stuff. Browsing thru the net and downloading musics and all. Somehow i didn't know tat i downloaded tis song by the old diva Mariah feat Bone Thugs so i decided to hear.. And i am glad i did cos it changes my mindset.. The title of the song is I Still Believe.. It hit me hard tat true my position right now being jobless, single, broke and watever u can add in. I jus need to believe in myself. Belive things will look take a turn for the better. Its jus a matter of time..

I need to work on myself now. My self confidence, learn to love myself.. Tat part which have been neglected God knows since when.. Jus need to believe and have faith. Though writing it is easy than putting it into actions but still its not impossible.. Lose the Ego Zaid.. Be a better person as much as u can be..

I got this from an email sent by my fren. Normally we only get to read abt how Girls express their feelings and wat not. Well this is the Guy version. Jus tot i share it with the world. Enjoy

How guys xpress their love!!

When a GUY is quiet and is
alone,
He's is thinking how good you're, Miss
you!!!

When a GUY is lying on his bed,
He is thinking deeply why he loves you.

When a GUY looks at you in your eyes,
He wants to tell you how much he loves
you and
how important you're.

When a GUY answers "I'm Fine" after
awhile,. Ki
He is not and feels hurts.

When a GUY keep asking you the same
question,
He is wondering why you are lying.

When a GUY hugs you while sleeping,
He is wishing that you belongs to him
forever.

When a GUY calls you everyday,
He Miss You and wants your attention.

When a GUY wants to see you everyday,
He cares for you and want to know how
are you
today.

When a GUY sms's u everyday,
He wants you to know he is fine.

When a GUY says I love you,
He really
means it.

When a GUY says that he can't live
without you,
He has made up his mind that you are his
future
wife.

When a GUY says "I Miss You",
He wants to see you immeditely.

Hmmm for the past days i guess my emotions been on the rocks..Tis is wat happens when u got the whole world to u. U got the to think a lot and reflect.. No doubt getting to know the CB members put more spice and color to my life.. But i dunno how long i can go on like tat.. Right now my main concern as the days go by my finance start to deplete bit by bit and soon enuff my prepaid value would be zero.. When tat happens i guess i would be entering my darkest self time again..

Oh well i hope it wont be so bad.. I shall try to make the best of wat i can. I definitely dun wan to go back to my darkest moments again..

Tat aside.. Thru my life or should i say in general in everyone's life we will go thru the relationship thing.. Where u meet someone u like and hope it last as long as it can but somehow along the road things got messy and the journey ends.. I bet it happens to all of us.. For my case i dunno y.. Though its been time and time again i been hurt searching for this so called LOVE hoping finally i am able to share my life with tat someone. I dunno y i am not giving up looking.. I jus keep on trying and trying eventhough i know the process of finding one can be so demoralising and heart wrenching..

How many times have we come across the situations where u like tis person but tis person loves another or they are jus trying to recover from a bad relationship and so on.. Tat jus makes u wan to give up right... Basically tats wat i think i should be doin but i dunno why i am not.. Maybe its jus one of my nature huh.. Nevertheless i admit there are times i jus wanna stop doing everything jus dun bother at all but i cant cos i know how terrible it is to be alone.,. Ya we have frens but frens and a lover are 2 diff thing. Both are equally impt.

All i can offer now is jus my sincerity to be my bubbly cheerful self.. There is also a saying the most calm person is the actually the most unstable person.. I guess its true for my case. Haiz.. i got so many issues.. partly low self esteem due to the breakups i went thru, my self confidence went down bit by bit this resulting me having inferiority complex..

Now all i can do is try to make myself feel sane as long as possible my darkest and saddest moments are yet to come.. Sometimes i feel so alone then i jus take the pillow and force myself to sleep.. Tat way i can dream i am somewhere nice with tat special someone or anything nice.. Tats how i deal with myself sometimes..Now as much as i yearn to be loved i know its not coming my way any sooner.. i jus need to try to deal with tat... If one day someone tend to fall for me.. love me for my personality and and character cos tats wat i can offer nothing more nothing less my sincerity..

I dunno why i am feeling like this again.. Its like the cycle is ever rotating.. Right now as much as i wanna cry my hearts out i jus need to be stronger that bein alone is not so bad afterall.. Have my fair share of the deal.. Dunno why i am ever so looking for the real love. The one tat lasted for years and years..

Guess my luck is not as lucky as some ppl are. They met and they fall in love ever so sincerely and lasted together so long.. For me i always like to make a challenged to myself.. If the relationship lasted till my birthday it would be an everlasting one. nontheless its never the case. Never happen..

Sure i have frens we all do have frens but how many can we actually call frens those who really accept u for the real u the one tat will go thru the pain and the joy together..

It feels so demoralising sometimes to the extend i guess i better keep things to myself thus the reason why i stop writing my blog last time.. Cos i cant bear to lay out my real feelings.. Now i am back to square one. no love no job no money.. Back to where i began coincidentally the same timing like last year.. Tat jus make me feel so useless.

I.. i dunno wat to do next... not expecting anything either.. Sigh jus see wat happens next.. Though i wont give up in searching for both love and career.. So stress as it is but i wont show this side of mine..

Jam di dinding menunjukkan sudah pukul 4 pagi. Mataku mula merasa layu menandakan sudah waktunya aku masuk tidur.. Apakan daya aku adalah seseorang yg keras kepala. Selagi aku tidak dpt apa yg aku inginkan selagi itu aku tidak akan cuba usaha. Ternyata tercapai juga hasratku untuk menyempurnakan lelaman blog aku ini..

Akhirnya hatiku tenang kerana dpt meletakkan pemain musik kedalam lelamanku...Itu ketepi, sekarang aku rasa diriku kembali seperti sediakala seperti dulu..Di mana aku mencari kerja yg stabil lagi..Aku harap hatiku tegar mencetusi apa rintangan yang bakal dilimpahkan padaku..

Walaubagaimanapun aku cuba menguatkan diriku, aku tetap merasai hatiku yg keseorangan..Entah kenapa disebalik senyuman dan tawaku adalah jiwa yg amat sedih kerna memikirkan nasib aku ini. Haiz.. Aku ingin menerusi menulis tentang hatiku ini namun kepalaku amatlah pening sekarang.Lebih baik aku masuk beradu.. Sampai ketemu lagi di episode hidupku ini..

Ok i shall not rant abt why i never been updating and it took me tis long to update so jus sit back and enjoy my new entry. Today was extremely fun! I woke extremely early cos i dun wan to be late. I mean i try my best to and indeed i reached on time jus to realise my fren whose name is Hariz is gonna be late!

Well its not the first so i jus sat down near the ticketing machine and one hand listening to my hp mp3 player. Well if only i have not lost my earpiece i would have pop it into my ear.. Oh well jus gotta wait till i get a job and a get a new one..

Anyway eventually he reached and we went to have our lunch at LJS at Cineleisure. after tat i met up with Shahdan and Ina at Harbourfront before heading home. he he K la i shall not say much,There are things tat i want to improvise.. Any idea how to put songs? hmm i jus need to figure.. Below are the pics taken during my outing today.