How could I..
Right now i jus feel with a mixtures of moods.. One part feel happy the other depressed. As matter of fact i dunno la wats the problem with me. Why i am feeling this insecure at this very moment. I am relfecting my life, my love life. my future, everything i guess..

Sometimes i dun mean to lie but yet i did it.. and why i did it well i guess its because of a stupid reason. Insecure.. Maybe partly i am a scorpio too i guess.. Sometimes could jus be secretive and mysterious.. But still i have to stop doing tat. Jus dun wanna do tat anymore. I feel bad each time i do tat. Well all i did was white lies la nothing big really.

I guess my conscience is always getting the best of me.. So God if u hear me i am sorry for lying. Its not tat i enjoy doing it i am regretting it. I am going to instil as much honesty as i can..

Man.. it feels so much better to bring my inner feelings out.. How i jus wish i could make everyone happy.. I seen too much suffering and pain in my life. Firstly when my family breaks up due to my father running away into another country to marry a younger woman and leave us in the lurch, second the death of my late uncle whom i tended to when he was suffering from a stroke, 3rdly a failed relationship whereby i put in so much love and effort, 4thly the lost of my grandpapa.. i know i cant control all these its all part and parcel of life but if i can make a diff to lessen the chance of it happening i would do my best to do it.. Make sense? i hope.. Oh well tats it for self reflection tis time.

On the other hand Hari Raya is jus a few days away! So many things to do! I would like to wish all Muslims Selamat Menyambut Syawal Yang bakal tiba! Riang ceria selalu. Maafkanlah kesalahan ku yg sengaja atau tidak sengaja dari hujung rambut ker hujun kaki. Semoga kengkawanku gembira dia hari mulia ini nanti di samping keluarga tersayang..

U know.. Thank you guys for the encouragment tat u guys are showing me.. I really really needed tat extra push. I know its not a big deal to be a model moreover its jus an audition. But i've always wanted to be one.. wonder how cool it would be trying new clothes, different styles all the time its jus filled with so much fun..

Guess one problem tat has been hindering me from trying out to be one is my self esteem.. I have extremely low self esteem..U might have known tat by reading my previous post. Though i may look strong on the outside but i am honestly shaking inside.Tomorrow would be the day. Man.. jus thinking abt it give me butterflies in my stomach.

I still cant think of wat to wear. Heck i dunno wat will i be asked to do. Its getting a bit nerve racking. But no i need to compose myself. Watever comes tomorrow i jus try my best. True i know nuts abt posing and such but hey there is always the first time to everything. I jus hope i wont make a fool of myself. And if i dun get it then its ok cos at least i give it a try. Like a fren once told me. "DON'T B PULLED DOWN BY THE FEAR OF DISSAPOINTMENT" "YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE UNTIL YOU FAIL"
So tats it. I am going to face the music tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Am i DreAming

I pinched myself 3 times when i recieved a reply from a modelling agency asking me to come down for an audition this Wednesday.. I dunno what got into me tat i sent my photos to this modelling agency. I was jus fooling around cos i was telling myself dun think they will reply back cos first of all i dun have the height nor much looks to offer. Or am i underestimating my charm jus like Shahrizan once told me..

So now i am like ecstatic! Beyond believe i am given an opportunity to try out to be a model. Being a model was one of my dream. I am still in dsibelief.. ha ha. I jus wonder wat will they ask me to do during the audition cos i am nuts abt modelling and posing and all. Totally clueless!

Man.. wat am i getting myself into. I need to search for that inner courage and confidence. Honestly i nevre liked the way i look.. Always suffering from the self - inferiority complex syndrome. Thus all my life i've been shying away from taking pics. Even at home u can browse thru all the photo albums. U will only see a few pics of me and tats it.. Maybe having a goodlooking brother gives me the pressure. Well this is the chance for me to prove to myself that i can do this. No more feeling badly of myself. Its time i give credits to myself. I am jus wondering wat will i be asked to do during the audition ha ha. Hopefully i wont make a fool of myself now.. Anyway i am suppose to paint the house today but looks like its gonna be delayed till my brother pass me the money. So far already bought most of everything yesterday. Went to Geylang to look for curtains and i chose a green organza curtain tat would blend well with the paint color tat i chose yellowish gold. Blue carpet will go well with the dark parquet ceramic flooe and wooden furnitures. Bought a lot of kuihs. Now i jus cant wait to put everything up and decorate the house!! So looking forward to tat.

Am i DreAming

I pinched myself 3 times when i recieved a reply from a modelling agency asking me to come down for an audition this Wednesday.. I dunno what got into me tat i sent my photos to this modelling agency. I was jus fooling around cos i was telling myself dun think they will reply back cos first of all i dun have the height nor much looks to offer. Or am i underestimating my charm jus like Shahrizan once told me..

So now i am like ecstatic! Beyond believe i am given an opportunity to try out to be a model. Being a model was one of my dream. I am still in dsibelief.. ha ha. I jus wonder wat will they ask me to do during the audition cos i am nuts abt modelling and posing and all. Totally clueless!

Man.. wat am i getting myself into. I need to search for that inner courage and confidence. Honestly i nevre liked the way i look.. Always suffering from the self - inferiority complex syndrome. Thus all my life i've been shying away from taking pics. Even at home u can browse thru all the photo albums. U will only see a few pics of me and tats it.. Maybe having a goodlooking brother gives me the pressure. Well this is the chance for me to prove to myself that i can do this. No more feeling badly of myself. Its time i give credits to myself. I am jus wondering wat will i be asked to do during the audition ha ha. Hopefully i wont make a fool of myself now.. Anyway i am suppose to paint the house today but looks like its gonna be delayed till my brother pass me the money. So far already bought most of everything yesterday. Went to Geylang to look for curtains and i chose a green organza curtain tat would blend well with the paint color tat i chose yellowish gold. Blue carpet will go well with the dark parquet ceramic flooe and wooden furnitures. Bought a lot of kuihs. Now i jus cant wait to put everything up and decorate the house!! So looking forward to tat.

While waitin for Keyis.

Went out with my frens today met Murni first at Boonlay int and went to Is place to see his new born baby.. Man.. i forgot his name is something Ramadan. Oh well we reached at Is bustop ard close to 4pm must say pretty early. But nevertheless i was 15 mins late he he. Sorry Murni to keep ya waiting.

I realise how Fun it is to bring along a digital camera everywhere u go...Believe it or not it somehow had an impact on my self confidence with taking pics. I used to be wat u call it camera shy.. Each time there were events where someone wanna take a photo be it me alone or with groups i would jus back down a little. Ha ha i know its silly but hey i had trouble with my self esteem so yea i used to run away from cameras.

But now it jus feel so much Fun. My deductions; Stop thinking of how bad u think u would look instead jus give ur best pose and relax. Dun even think abt how ur pic would turn out. Afterall its U. Tats your own face. If u cant face urself in photos how are u suppose to face urself in real life? Hmm.. something to ponder abt.. Bottom line is i learned tat U are not as bad as U percieved urself are.. Learn to give credit to yourself. Cos if u dun do it no one else would do it for U..A little effort goes a long way..So yeah it was Fun being out with Murni and frens. Below is some pics taken today after we "iftar" together under some void deck. ha ha (we could'nt find a place at the mall)click on the pics to view the actual size.


3 Wise Men.


Ambassadors of Winning Colgate Smile.


Look Ma i'm a Father!.


Someone Farted..Trying to figure out wHO did it?

Di Pinggiran Aidilfitri

Bergema suara di tabir fajar
Mendayu irama takbir berlagu
Penuh syahdu
Oh sayang Syawal menjelma
Tiada seindah yang sudah
Hanya keluhan pilu
Bermain di kalbu

Di Lebaran berkerdipan
Terpancar sinar cahaya hari mulia
Namun ku di ambang sepi
Mendung menyelubungi
Syawal ku yang kembali
Bagaikan tidak berereti

Di pinggiran Aidilfitri
Terdengar suara takbir bergema lagi
Di hati sunyi dan sepi
Yang pergi takkan kembali
Bersemi rindu di hati
Dan pilu yang tak bertepi

Lagu ini adalah dari Dikir Barat Temasek. Di saat penghujung Ramadan inilah suasana Raya semakin terasa. Dan di saat inilah ada yang rasa riang gembira terutama kanak kanak dan ada juga yang rasa hiba pilu terutama sekali yg kehilangan orang yang disayangi. Tahun raya ini tak la lagi semeriah bagiku sebagaimana Raya di tahun-tahun yang lalu. Ini disebabkan kehilangan arwah datuk ku Ahmed Ibrahim 2 bulan yang lalu. Walaupun allahyarham tidak duduk sebumbung tetapi beliau pernah hidup bersama di zaman mudanya.

Masih teringat lagi masa aku kecik kecik setiap kali waktu raya allahyarham akan membeli 2 bungkus plastik penuh dgn gula gula dan jajan yg lain untuk diberikan kepada cucu cucunya. Setiap kali Syawal menjelma itulah yg akan beliau bawak..Tetapi di masa senjanya beliau mula menghidap sakit tua sehinggalah ke saat saat beliau hembuskan nafasnya yg terakhir..Moga Allah mencucuri rahmatnya..

Sesungguhnya hidup hanya sementara...

Lets see today start with me getting up as early as 10am! yea hehe tats early enough for me. Watch tv, cartooons and my fav show Designer Guys. Man...i so dig the show how i wish i can be an interior designer. As matter of fact i am thinking of paiting my house somewhere tis week. Was actually dreaming of it last nite. Tat my room would be the mordern room since i have lots of silver and metallic stuff in my room. I would paint the walls white and jus do some black stripes. And then i would buy the big round lamp from ikea and hang it complete with the lamb skin rug! i would paint my shells black.. hmm come to think of it..the color scheme is jus like my blog1 ha ha black and white.

For the living room i would paint it mocha brown since the floor is parquet ceramic and the furniture is more like victorian syle complete with a chandelier. Tat would goes well with the wooden furnitures.

Ok ok think i am getting carried away here. Well back to the real world. My mom has been bugging me to start cleaning the house ever since last weekend. U know how annoying tat is to have someone telling u the same thing over and over again..Well after so much "persuasion" from her i finally decided to take pity on her and start my engine and start cleaning! Started off by sweeping the house and man.. i dun believe i've been living with dusts! Its like piling up as i sweep room after room! now i know why u've been sneezing on and off he he. Next was to wash the rugs. I must say its nice to see the original tiles on the floor though it makes the floor look naked i come to like it. So after tat i start to mop the house was having so much fun he he at the same time listening to the radio as loud as i could.

And the Hari Raya spirit is embedded more into me as the Dj play some Hari Raya song by anuar zain and some other girl when they were small. Wat a work out. Wait a min did i jus mentioned the word "embedded" ha ha i am influence by the template codes cos i've been trying to make things work on my blog by editing the template. Back to the topic. I have more things to do but i am taking high five and write tis entry. he he i needed a break! Last weekend went out and met my old frens Nani and Azmi. Actually we were supposed to go out in a big group but as expected the rest played us out. How typical. Anyway i spent again on myself. Jus could'nt resist this nice "V" neck green tea at Urban Male! So yea i bought it and was actually thinking twice whether should i get the lecoq sportif shoes the high cut shoes kinda look like a shoes where the boxers use to wear! I am so getting tat next. Wait till i get a job. I hpoe soon. Well i guess i better get back to work! its almost 5pm! Shoot and so many things to do.

Today met a group of my frens. Met them at Suntec but i was late as usual he he. Like the malays say "star karat" Well don't blame me cos my uncle dropped by my house for a while so i was delayed. The outing turned out to be so fun. Well it beats staying at home all the time. So when i finally go out it feels like i am a free bird.

So there we were 6 of us. We went to the rooftop and chill out over there. We played tis games tat needed hands and legs co-ordination. Its funny really cos we have to make silly actions and try to immitate them. After tat we pose and pose cos 2 of my frens brought along their cameras. It was so much fun! I never posed soo much in my life. And the thing with me is i jus cant smile while taking pictures. Jus felt so funny. But nevertheless everyone turn out great.

So after taking so much pictures of ourselves it was time to get ready for "breaking fast". We headed to this place called Makan Sutra its like an open space hawker centre by the esplanade. So the view was not bad.. After tat we headed down to Bugis village and stroll ard before we went home. Oh ya by the way did i mentioned i saw this Le Coq Sportif high cut shoes man.. its so nice i am like so in love with it. But it cost 69 bucks so expensive. Oh well tat would be in my WISHLIST he he hint hint my birthday coming k in November.. Anyway tats it for today.. Peace out!

Ok nak ikutkan dah bertahun seh tak blog. Maklumlah macam macam berlaku. Mana nak layan kat tempat kerja lain, nak layan kawan lain. So pendek kata tak ada masa nak tulis menulis ni. Tapi tu dulu. Sekarang ni dah terlalu banyak masa sgt sampai tal tahu nak buat apa.

Maklumlah lom dpt kerja yg sempurna lagi. Ni pun ngah stress bangat cari kerja. Entah tak tahu biler la agaknya dpt kerja yg betul. Dah naik lengit dah duk kat umah jer. Tak apa la bak pepatah try and try again. He he.

Hmm kejam celik kejam celik dah masuk seminggu kiter berpuasa eh. Cam cepat gituk. Entah kenapa tahun ni me rasa cam sedih gitu nak menyambut Raya. Mana ke tidak masih lom dpt kerja lagi dah tu atuk pun dah tak ada lagi. Dah tak ada nenek dan atuk lagi dah tak leh serbu rumah atuk setiap kali Syawal menjelma.

Apa nak kata dunia ini adalah tempat sementara jer. Lambat laun semua akan mati satu hari.Ish apa la me ni terbawak sgt rasa sedih petang petang posa ni he he. K k tukar topic. Tahun ni kan insya allah me nak pakai baju melayu cekak musang kaler pink! ha ha yup kaler pink. Seumur hidup tak pernah try kaler tu so tahun ni nak try la. Apa org nak kata katala he he lawa ker tak lawa ker janji me happy ha ha. K la setakat ini jer la untuk hari ni. Sok sambung lagi..

Guess wat?! i dun believe how engross i was with editing my blog template. Trying every inch to make it as presentable as i could. Its already 4.30 in the morning! Jus in time for sahur! ha ha. I am one crazy freak spending almost the whole day fixing this new blog of mine.

It began with one template then 2 then 3. It took me 4 changes of template before i settle for this current one. Phew i must say my efforts pays off. This is one fine looking blog i've ever created. He he though it may not be the best one to the eyes of other ppl, but i am happy its done. Well not entirely done cos i have yet to figure out how to embed an mp3 player and a digital clock and a calender.

Wanna make tis blog last as long as i can. My previous blog was left abandoned for a few months. Its still running though he he.
Later on will be meeting up some frens at bugis then after tat break fast at Beach Road. I must say a little bit disappointed. How i wish we could break fast in Geylang. Its going to be the last time we see it standing before the upgrading takes place. I jus want to feel the fasting atmosphere again. Cos i can't think of a more intense atmoshpere other then Geylang.

Being in Geylang in the fasting month jus gives me hope that i will not give up on Hari Raya cos as far as i am concern the spirit at hme is long dead.. Sad to think abt it but i have to embrace it. Oh well i jus hope tis year Hari Raya would be a memorable one for me.. I miss the feeling of a complete family.. Oh well we have our good moments.. Till the next time..