Aku dan Bintang

falling apart

2008-05-26T10:24:00.002+08:00

My life is tumbling down.. As i write down this entry i can feel my chest pain once again..Its like hundred of needles is piercing on ur skin..Nevertheless i need to write this down to get things off my chest..

Gosh my breathing is getting acute.. i am getting nowhere with the situation i am in now. If only i didnt take this half day.. But my head hurts this morning..Ppl might jus say another excueses... Man.. y am i such a wreck nowadays..

What's happening to me....Y do i let myself land in this situation. Y.. Deep down i know later i need to go to work and face the consequences. Whatever it might b..jus need to brave up and face watever is thrown at me later..

Am gonna be prepared for the sack.. Then am back to square one looking for another job.,..

Where things goes wrong....

2008-05-25T18:18:00.002+08:00

I had an interesting weekend with my baby... I love u b.. Jus wait for my suprise.. Now to the most upsetting part... My hp got washed in the washing machine!!! Yep its totally a gonner now.. sob sob. This makes it the 2nd time.. Its so upsetting.. Now i cant even contact anyone..

Haiz things are jus goin bad for me now.. I need to get it together.. i am falling apart.. DO u know how much it hurts when u r unable to spend wat u've planned for tat special evening with your loved one.. Once again i am a disappointment.. The empty feeling u get when someone pass u a present and u dun have anything to exchange it with.. and wats worst u have to thicken ur skin and accept the gift..

Dunno how i could overcome tat awkwardness..

Its also sad tat i can never get a hold of my money... why is it always dries up when its like one or 2 weeks away from my pay day.. Haiz..How can anyone possibly be in love with this loser.. How...

Now i need to shed off some pounds... to be exact 6kg need to be losen.. Well now tat so many bad things have happen.. it would be easy to have no mood to eat..i am goin to starve myself... At this moment.. i hate myself. loser loser loser loser!!!!!y dun i jus get into an accident and die....

things looking bright

2008-05-04T20:31:00.002+08:00

yay my comp is alright.its a miracle that it works fine..cos i tot its gone for good but i dunno why i had to try switching it on again and miraculously it start up fine.. phew.. wat a relieve.

Lately work has been piling up. I am going thru this phase again which i went thru in my previous company. Oh well cant complain cos its wat i am paid to do. so jus try my best to make everything work. Hope lady luck shines on me this week and make my week a pleasant one.

Till the next update. Take care. P.S this cough is killing me.

Computer down

2008-04-28T12:17:00.002+08:00

Lets see its been 2 weeks now since my notebook's hard drive crash. What an unfortunate event. WIth that down i cant even check my email and surf the net.. It sucks big time..Of all the times for it to go haywire y must it be now.. So now i am thinking of getting a new one.. But that is sure gonna cost me abt 1.5k minimum..

Haiz so tat means months of savings.. IF not my maxonline at home is gonna be wasted..Alrighty then this shall be my new goal. No more unnecassary shoppings already. Wish me luck!

Last but not least i would like to share something that really makes me so happy:
26 May 07 naluri
berkata kau miliku..
Ku nyata bahawa kau jiwaku..
Aku la penjaga mu,
perlindung mu,
perdamping mu di setiap langkah2 mu.
Senyum mu dah sedih mu adalah hidupku..
Love you!

These words is tatooed into my heart.. I will always love u baby... U made my day

HArus ku kuatkan diriku..

2008-04-13T14:38:00.002+08:00

Aku tidak tahu di mana ingin ku mula... Macam-macam bermain di kepala ku.. Mana nak fikirkan hal ehwal keluargaku.. kerjaya ku.. masa depan ku.. matair ku...
Semua ini aku hanya inginkan yang terbaik.. Namun ada kala tidak tercapai niatku..
Dan semuanya bergantung pada satu perihal yak itu duit...Seperti bak pepatah org putih.."no money no talk"..

Aku ingin betul berubah.. Sudah cukup la aku mengalami kesesakan duit sepanjang bulan.. Gajiku sudah pun mencapai tahap 2000 tapi namun masih tidak mencukupi.. Entah bagaimana harus aku larungi masalah ini..

Abg sulung ku tak habis habis minta sesuatu daripadaku.. aku paham dia susah dapat kerja di sebelah tambak kengkadang serba salah aku dibuatnya.. sekarang dia nak tv lcd jikalau ada offer.. Insya allah tgk la kedudukan aku nanti. baru mula kerja baru ni. gaji pertama aku pun dah makin sikit.. NAmpak gaya ikat perut lagi sepanjang bulan..

Pelik kan kenapa begitu cepat sudah habis.. Bayar tu bayar ni kasi dek tu kasi dek ni terus tinggal seberapa je untuk diriku dan buat matairku..Dan tadi mak suruh aku top up kan ezlink card dia.. haiz..Kengkadang aku tak paham tak cukup ke dgn apa yang aku beri.. abg ku pun ada beri nafkah juga tapi kenapa selalu mak cakap tak cukup.. berapa byk yang dia hendak pun aku tak tahu..

Haiz sudah nasibku... baru baru ini aku join california fitness dgn harapan bermulanya hidup sihat ini aku tak akan boros dah dapat mengawal duit hasil titik peluh ku. insya allah akan ku cuba sedaya upaya..

Kekasihku pula.. jgn la kau risau lagi syg.. akan aku cuba mengajar diriku untuk berjimat kali ini.. kerna aku berniat untuk membawa me ke sesuatu tempat yang indah suatu hari.. banyak aktivit yang ingin ku lakukan dgn mu syg. Kalau umur ku panjang aku ingin pergi makan angin bersama.. tak kira ke bintan ke, ke bangkok ke.. janji kita dapat makin angin bersama..

Setiap kali aku dgr lagu yg bermain di blog aku ini hati ku akan remuk.. kerna cintaku buatmu syg amat besar.. tak pernah ku cintai seseorang sebegini.. dgn seluruh jiwa ragaku aku persembahkan diriku buat mu.. Aku harap perhubungan kita berkekalan syg.. Akan ku berada di sisi mu.. aku tidak mahu kehilangan mu. hanya ingin membuatmu bahagia selalu...

MEncintaimu

2008-04-09T23:35:00.002+08:00

Mencintaimu tak mengenal lagu.. keyakinan hatiku hanya untuk mu..
Kejam celik kejam celik dah nak masuk setahun kita bersama sayang..
Hati ku sebak namun bukan kerna aku sedih tetapi bahagia bersama denganmu sayang..

Kau la kawan ku kau la kekasihku kerna sekarang kawan ku sudah terhad.. kenalan yang aku kenal dulu pun dah tak serapat seperti dulu.. Tumpuan ku telah menoleh kepada mu seorang..

Aku mencintaimu dgn setulus hati wahai kekasihku. Setiap detik bersama hanya membawa aku lebih rapat kepada mu. Aku hanya yang terbaik untukmu. Namun ada kala keadaan tidak merelakan..

Pada tanggal 26 Mei 2007 cinta kita berbunga dan sehingga sekarang dia berkembang.
Jam menunjukkan 1145 malam.. Aku harus tidur tetapi hatiku tak akan tenang kerna aku mahu kau tahu sayang di balik wajah ceria ini terdapat seorang insan yang amat amat bersyukur kerna dapat memiliki mu dalam hidupnya..

Aku tak akan pandang belakang...akan ku lalui hidupku bersama mu menuju ke hadapan dan aku harap aku dapat mengukir sebuah jalinan yang kukuh dan berkekalan sepanjang mana mungkin kerna aku mencintaimu.. Mencintaimu sedalam dalamnya...tak akan ku jemu dgn mu.. tak akan... Mencintaimu tak mengenal waktu tak mengenal putis hanya tulusnya hati.. Tetapi jika hatimu berubah syg...aku harap kau beritahu aku kerna aku hanya ingin kau bahagia.. Aku sudah berjanji pada diriku tiada yang lain aku ku cinta selain mu..

Aku ingin kau tahu walaupun ada kala aku tidak dpt menunaikan janjiku padamu aku akan pastikan ia akan terkabula jua walaupun lambat.. Hanya kesabaran darimu yang ku pinta sayang..

Hanya untuk mu

2008-03-10T23:02:00.002+08:00

Hanya untuk mu...
Hanya ada mu dalam hatiku..

Aku tak pernah merasa cinta
Cinta seperti ini.
Kau la seri dunia ku baby.

Mengerti la syg hanya kau
Yang mampu membuat ku senyum.
Ku lalu waktu waktu ku bersama mu
ku lalui perit pahit dengan mu

Disamping ku kau selalu berada
Hanya kau untuk ku...

Cinta mu selalu...

making it work

2008-03-02T15:34:00.006+08:00

First things first its been a week now since i started work at the new work place.. Apart from the long journey and wee morning hrs to wake up to get ready, its a dream job i managed to grasp.

Hmm i dunno wat i did but my lady boss seems to be selling me off to the other engineers saying i am a fast learner.. U see i am suppose to learn a new software called PRO=Engineering. Its a way way advance software tat allows 2d and 3d to be drawn using one single programme. Well She was suppose to teach me but bcos she is engaged in her work i learnt it myself.. and must say am pretty good. I manage to use the basic options..

Man.. i am having tis determination in me.. Something tat i have lost touch with for quite sometime..so am going to make tis opportunity really work! yea.

Tat aside... spent so much time with my baby.. it was great.. for once we never spend to watch movies or other things.. we us walk ard to appreciate nature and the architectures ard us.. Never felt so fulfilling jus walking hand in hand with each other.. It jus draws me close to u... Anyway spent the time to practice my photo taking skills.. below are the film or pictures..

Ur in my heart always

2008-02-17T21:46:00.003+08:00

Baby...
Thank you...
Thank you for being with me..

Loving me like i love u unconditionally..
U endured my sulky moments..
U endured my mood swings..

Spending every moment of my life
Like there is no one elses in urs..
U see thru my imperfections..
And make it my least problems..

Its us against the world baby..
Me and u.. together..
when i am with u i feel unbreakable..
Mer ci boku baby..
Je'taime..

morning blunder

2008-02-12T10:25:00.000+08:00

Guess wat.. tot i was going to work today and boy how funny fate can turns the event around.. U see normally i would be vigilant and sharp. So there i was boarding the bus i tot tat would take me to dover mrt so tat i could take the train to work. Guess again.. This guy has taken the wrong bus and i ended up at nus! ha ha ha silly me. How on earth could i boarded the wrong bus..

My watch was showing half past 8 man.. and i was suppose to start work at 830.. So wat to do.. i took the bus back and ended where i started. Right at my house bus stop. Knowing its too late to go to work i took the day off..

Wee.. i must say its a beautiful beautiful morning!! The sun's ray fill up my bedroom warming up the atmosphere. To top it up the morning breeze blows into my room lifting up the curtains tats hanging by my window..

Wat a good way to top up the morning with a soapy valentines movie tats showing on hbo.Auww jus makes me melt.. The movie is so romantic. Makes me misses my lover so much. Wouldn,t it be nice if we could get up side by side the one we love and peck a kish on the forehead and watch them still sleepin.. Watch the allure face peaceful and calm.. I love u baby.. Seriously i dunno how to survive this Valentine's day. Such a wrong time for me to be finacially low. As in holes in the pocket..

Since i wont be able to do wat i wanted to do. Might as well i write it out.. I woudl of course dress to kill oops i mean to impress. The most impt thing must look dashing cos i want my love to remember me at my best..Next i would want to suprise with a gift tat my love has been talking abt. i know there's a lot but of course i would get the one i can afford.. After wrapping it as beautifully as i could i would hide it from my love. next i would bring out my love on a cruise at the cable car.. the one tat has dinner served on it.. jus the 2 of us in the car.. Set with a candle lit dinner and a view of the sea and city. tat jus top up the evening. and the best part of able to snuggle and kiss with each other.. Tats how i would want to do for my Vday....

hopeless till payday

2008-02-10T17:28:00.000+08:00

It was a great break so far.. Had so much rest and yet again tml the normal cycle repeats itself.. Gonna work work work. 2 weeks left and counting.. For CNY went out with my family and relatives at east coast. Was so shocked to see the beach crowded with ppl and countless tents.. Majority were malays.

But i do see chinese ppl here and there.. Man.. i jus dun understand with these chinese ppl. Its their new year and they take it as if its nothing.. Wats happening to the generations man.. Its terrible.. Dunno y i am pissed abt it though he he he. I just find them more and more westen already... They have lost their roots.. For mostt of them though..

Anyways valentines day is jus ard the corner and man.. wat a time for me to be broke.. as in literally broke. holes in the pocket.. Seriously i dunno how i am going to get something for u.. Sometimes it feels kinda hopeless to be in this state.. Haiz.. and i am a working man for goodness sake.. WIth my finances cut.. how am i suppose to plan a great Vday for u.. I am sure in a deep pit now.. Wat a let down.. I jus dunno how i can face the day.. i feel utterly useless... so useless.

Yay starting a new life!

2008-02-05T00:21:00.000+08:00

Yest my oldest bro came from jb with his nephew. Last week i bought this 26 inch lcd tv and man i was so happy.. Now my room is almost complete. I have my queen size bed, my own hi-fi dvd player. I decorate the room to my taste.. Am so happy wee! So now i am short of a psp and ps3 or xbox 360 either one.

One funny thing happened last sat my bro called and said the new tv is not working, It does'nt seem to switch on.. I was so sad cos i tot how can it be.. I jus got it less than a week. Then my older bro figured out there is a main switch below the tv.. My 2nd brother must have had toggled the switch by mistake he he he. And he said the cable must have short circuit.. he he Was so happy we managed to make it work again.. Now i havee a lcd in my own comfort..

Cant wait to start my new job.. Gonna be more challenging and bigger better pay woohoo.. First time hitting above 2 k salary.. Finally i manage to land myself in that kind of pay... Sgt sgt bersyukur.. Hopefully my life now become more smooth and fullfiling.

Its priceless to make ppl happy

2008-01-28T11:33:00.000+08:00

Happy Belated Birthday sis.

Its been a crazy weekend.. Not so long ago i was complaining i dun have enuff,, last sat i got my salary.. So wat did i do? i brought things for the ppl i love. Love to see them happy. First stop was to get a nice shoes for my mom. So together with my mom and bro and his wife and my close aunt with her grandchild we headed down to taka..

At first glance the crowd looks ok.. its like not too many not too little. Didn't know it took a while to find the perfect shoes. so booth after booth my mom found the one she likes and my aunt found tis nice looking shoes tat her daughter might liked. I kinda liked it too. So i bought it really hoped the size is right. So tat done we headed to vivo city cos i wanted to check out courts for the 26 inc lcd tv promotion. Thank god they still have it so now jus awaiting for the tv coming in somewhere tis week. wee. Can't wait. So stayed the night at my aunt's place at cck. Surprised my cousin with the shoes. Was ecstatic to see her facial expression. But alas the size is 1 size smaller.

Man.. i should have taken a pic of it. So from happpy to sad. Lucky i still keep the receipt so on sunday i brought her back to taka to ask for an exchange. Guess lady luck wasn't on her side the size is sold out. She wears size 9 or 10 by the way. Pretty big huh. Anyways i told her y not look for something else..So we went up and down from handbags to clothes to watches.. Finally we were back to the level we started with. Level 1 where the shoes were. AS we were gliding thru the crowds i come across tis bracelet...

Showed it to her and she fell in love with it.. Oh ya we watched 27 dresses.. Wat a great show.. U guys should watch it.

And sayang i hope u could make tat wireless router work. REally happy to see u smile wee.. ITs monday today and i am writing tis entry on my bed.. Jus cant wait to start my new job! wee..Baby if u read this nothing in this world would bring my love down for u. ITs been a great weekend.. Great to see the happy faces tat i made.. Now i jus need to control my spendings.. Sorry baby we have to go dutch tis mth.. once i start my new job. I promise i treat u again k..

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2008-01-06T13:38:00.000+08:00

Ok i know i update very late.. but hey its never too late right.. Hmm there is so much to write i just dunno where to begin. It has been such a hectic yr 2007 with the start of my new career with Marina Bay draftsman... My frens at work really brought me close to them.. We shared the heartwrenching moments together.. Cut tat short when our company dinner and dance approaching near we trained almost everyday hoping tat we could win the 600 bucks. A group of 4 we were.

Well the day went smoothly to the night on the actual day.. Nerve racking it may have been but it was worth it. I got more surprises popping out as the day come to a closer end.. I was kinda nervous for the hip hop dance performance thus i try to overcame tat by participating on-stage entertainment done by the MC. I would post up all the pictures here but too bad i have not gotten it yet from my frens. As well as the video. I kinda forgotten some steps along the way but manage to gain back in tempo with the group he he.

Tat aside.. The train i am in now with u is getting way way stronger.. U know how much u mean to me and how true i am towards u. the things we went thru.. the first serious fight tat we got into on new year eve itself and how it bloomed to something positive on the same day when i bumped into u with ur family at the traffic light junction. All tat shows how much we arfe meant for each other.. Love u Barney poo poo... Yessa.

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Now playing: Jordin Sparks - Save Me (Bonus Track)
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Happy BirthdAY!!!!!

2007-11-11T14:44:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!!!!!! ITS UR BDAY TODAY..
I HOPE U R ENJOYING URSELF WITH UR FAMILY TODAY.. KINDA UPSET UR AWAY THOUGH.. NEVERTHELESS I JUS WANNA SAY I LOVE U NO MATTER WAT HAPPENS.. WILL BE WITH U TILL U DUN WAN ME ANYNMORE... I MISS U.. OVERALL HAVE A NICE BDAY SYG!!
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Now playing: J. Holiday - Suffocate
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Now playing: Terra Naomi - Say It's Possible
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will i b happy or sad on my bday.. ponder..

2007-10-30T00:19:00.000+08:00

Man...its almost the end of Oct... tat means Nov is approaching soon...I wonder if my frens would remember it.. Will i get presents?? Not tat i really am looking forward to it..?Cos its been like tat for the past years.. Sometime its fun to see other ppl giving suprises to the birthday boy/girl...See the smile carved on their faces n the excitement they get when they open their presents... All tat seems to have not existed for me anymore.. Sometimes when my bday comes i would jus go out by myself sometimes in my heart hoping i would get a surprise but i know better its jus not happening... Oh well...

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Now playing: *silverstein* - Bleeds No More
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in a state of mind

2007-10-25T00:26:00.000+08:00

I should be sleeping by now.. But dunno why i jus cant. so thus i am bloggin.. Wat luck.. 2 of my favourite shoes were stolen a few days agao.. there go my asics.. and my pointed white shoes.. Gonna missed wearing them.. I guess must be the nite cos am feeling a bit emo here.. was watching grey's anatomy and i am so touched with how strong the frens stand by each other.. especially when one of the fren loses his father to cancer.. The frenship is so strong.. i tot i had tat kind of frenship but i guess reality bites.. right now even those whom i called as my true frens are all bz with each other lives.. with each othere shinnanigins and wat not.. some got attitude prob some jus couldnt be bothered.. It jus make me realise how little frens i have.. those who come and claimed they re ur frens jus stay for a while before disappearing again..

Oh well guess tats how my life is going to be... jus cant rely anymore on those who say they are ur frens.. they are jus there while they think of u.. once forgotten forever left alone.. Sad but i have to accept my fate.. This raya i guess i wont be able to go visiting raya with my so called close frens whom have been together for years right till now.. its sad.. they have slowly disappearing..i miss them.. guess they never know how much they mean to me...

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Now playing: Faizal Tahir - Kasih Tercipta
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2007-10-21T21:20:00.000+08:00

Raya tahun ini aku rasa amat meriah sekali walaupun ayahku tiada lagi.. namun dia selalu dalam ingatan ku.. Baiklah... minggu ku seperti biasa kalau tak kunjung - mengunjungi tak sah.. Semalaman beraya dgn kawan sekerja ku dari daerah timur sampailah ke barat.. Ish kejam celik kejam celik sampai rumah kul 1 pagi seh.. tu baru kata raya.. hehe hari ini lak selepas sedara aku siti kunjungi rumahku, kita kunjungi rumah pak cik ku yang dekat jurong east. Oleh kerana mak cik ku tak sihat, kita baduk kfc... yum yum.. heheh minggu depan open house lak.. weee.. eheh nak pakai baju warna apa lak eh hmmm..

Ini dia Ct Aloyah hehe.. Mdm dgn anak sedara dia.

Teng teng teng ni la cousins of the year.. Sweet nyer.. hehe

Dan mempersembahkan Hang Zaid dari sekutu malacca hehe.

Kalau nak tahu di sebelah kiri dan kana saya adalah bodyguard saya.. dun play play.

Yang ni lak eh.. hmm Isteri no 1 and no 2.. Ct Alwiyah dan Norfarhana bebeh..

Sick on Hari Raya and still sick now wee..

2007-10-16T08:13:00.001+08:00

First of all Selamat Hari Raya to all the ppl that knows me.. Its been a wonderful Hari Raya for me except tat on the day itself i fell sick.. First hit was the flubug.. Nevertheless it never breaks my spirit to go visiting with my family.. Tis year raya my whole family is present. My eldest brother and sister from Johor came down with their family.. My brother has 3 kids and my sister 5 so altogether 8 nieces and nephews.. Its really quite a bunch.. hehe

So with the mood of Hari Raya and feeling lousy at the same time, i went ahead with visiting.. i cant say much cos i am stil feeling drowsy.. i will jus upload the pics for now.. I guess i hold on till i cannot hold on.. now waiting for the clinic to open. its till early..

Weekend as fun

2007-10-02T00:29:00.000+08:00

Had so much fun last fri.. went to Geylang with my cousins the ever so noisy and funny cousins.. As usual it was packed but nt so bad tat we cannot walkk.. must say ok ok la. Spent hrs and hrs looking for the perfect baju "telok blangah" for me finally got it.. Apart from tat look for flowers and other baju for my cousins and oh ya how can i miss out the food especially chicken kebab! fuh lazat. to cut story short went hme aat 3 cos after shopping went to sahur together at nearby 24 hr cafe.. hehe below are some pics i took of my funny cousins! wee

Then went out with SYG to catch Balls of fury. must say 3 out of 5 its hilarious alright but some part are jus pure lame. nevertheless another special time spent with u baby.. he he

Today went to Geylang after work again.. tis time ard was looking for a nice brooch to match my baju melayu, phew spent quite sometime there. surprisingly its so pack. maybe bcos only left with 11 more days befoer Haari raya!!! yay! cant wait!! still got so many things to kemas...

Gelisah

2007-09-24T21:45:00.000+08:00

Hmm kejam celik kejam celik dah masuk 12 hari kita berpuasa... Semangat untuk menyambut Hari Raya pun makin berkobar - kobar. Lihat aja bazaar geylang tu walaupun hari pertama berpuasa, bazaar geylang dah penuh..

Tapi kan makin dekat hari nak terima gaji makin gelisah.. Yelah gelisah kerna fikirkan macam macam yg nak dikeluarkan.. Byr bill hp, bill power supply bill scv dan kasi mak dah tu nak kena ketepikan lagi duit zakat.. haiz.. harap harap cukup la gaji bulan ini... Haiz bila fikir balik kerja keras keras pun akhirnya habis juga bila menjadi satu satunya yang menanggung semua pembelanjaan...

Hati ini gembira pun ada,.. sedih pun ada... haiz.. Ada kala bila terfikir nak ke bazaar geylang nak cari baju melayu hati amat gembira sekali.. Tapi bila fikir nak kena bayar mcm mcm haiz sedih dibuatnya... kengkadang nak belanja matahir pun teragak agak jugak, tapi syukur alhamdullilah selalu dpt belanja dia walaupun di kocek ada cukup cukup.. tu tak pe la kerna kalau boleh tak nak dia kuar se sen pun.. bukan nyer dia kerja.. jadi kena la paham paham. Buat apa apa pun i love u.. ur part of my life..

Satu malam di bazaar geylang

2007-09-23T15:44:00.000+08:00

fuyooo.. ya fuyooo ramai nyer org smlm masa di geylang.. org hah bertepek tepek.. ni la suasana masa bulan ramadhan. Kalau tak ke geylang ish tak sah.. pada saya la walaupun susah nah nak berjalan malah nak membeli belah namun suasana nya memberi semangat yg kental tuk menerima kedatangan syawal yg bakal tiba dalam 3 minggu lagi..

Sebenarnya tujuan nak cari baju melayu telok blangah..jadi saya pun tinjau la ke geylang tuk mencari baju yg saya idami.. Rasa rasa agaknya nak beli dua pasang. satu ungu dan lagi satu hijau..atau biru.. atau pun oren hehe tgk la masih lom dpt membuat keputusan yg muktamad kwa kwa kwa..

Jadi jalan punya jalan nampak langsir lawa.. carpet lawa,, ish nak ikutkan byk la nak kena beli.. hehe ikutkan hati nak belanja je bila dpt gaji nanti.. Tapikan bila fikir balik ank bayar bill lain nak bayar zakat utuk me and mom lagi nak kasi mak lagi nak ketepikan duit zakat budak budak nanti ish.. baru la tahu betapa byk nyer nak pakai duit bila dah kerja ni.. namun insya allah boleh.. ketepikan satu persatu jadi semua ddpt.. hehe minggu hadapan geylang saya mari.. weeeee

Capek gue..

2007-09-22T16:12:00.000+08:00

waduh capek banget gue.. mana ketidak bangun dari tidur mandi lepas tu kemas living room.. nampak je remeh temeh tapi bila dah start kemas satu persatu cam nak patah ah pinggang. lagi lagi bulan posa ni ish. cuabaan cubaan..

Mula mula angkat carpet semua and jemur kat luar. nari hari punya la terik. tapi tak pe bagus kain baju cepat kering. lepas tu lap meja kerusi dan perabot perabot lain yg sewaktu dgnya.. Dah tu kena lak sapu lantai and mop.. waduh kalah kan maid ni.. Justeru itu ganti langsir basahan lak. Ye la masih ad 3 minggu lagi nak pasang yg glam glam nyer. baru seminggu posa k.

Dah pasang langsir baru la leh alih kerusi meja.. Penat nyer... Ni larat ke tak ni nak gi geylang serai ngan boyfie..

Happy Birthday Ismail Masdi

2007-09-17T22:13:00.000+08:00

Hari ini ku menyambut ulang tahun kawanku Ismail yg ke 21. Tepat jam 5.30 aku pun beradar dari pejabat untuk bertemu dengan rakan rakan ku, Shook, Murni, Nisa dan Is..Malam ini kami berbuka lain dari lain sikit Kerna kita bermakan makanan arab woohoo.. Makan chicken kebab.. Tempat makan dia amat selesa. Dah macam kat rumah sei..

Lepas makan apa lagi kan ambik gambar la.. Cam Whore! wooo he he he Nari saya ada lembab sikit entah kenapa tah. Mungkin kerna ada ulcerf kat pangkal lidah ni,, Haiz kena lagi.. Bosan ah.. Dibawah ada satu satu nyer gambar yang saya petik.. hehe yang lain dekat Nisa beb..

Lelaki ini yang selalu mencintaimu..

2007-09-16T23:33:00.000+08:00

Sudah pun masuk 3 bulan lebih kita larungi hidup bersama.. Kasih aku amat bergembira bersama mu.. Kemana ku pergi ku melihat bayanganmu.. Hati ini telah kau miliki.. Kemana jua anginku membawa ku kau tetap di sisi ku..Kerana cintaku.. tidak mengenal jenuh hatimu..Cintaku buat mu bertahta di dalam sanubari ku...

immense pain

2007-08-29T11:13:00.000+08:00

Been feeling immense pain on my wisdom tooth lately. But last nite the pain got so immense, my nerves ard my left side of my face got so firm it throbs like mad.. Dealt with it till 4am where it got so intense. I had no choice but to take the mc for today eventhough work was piling up..

Wats so infuriating the reply i got from my chief saying i am not committed enough . For the first time i talk back saying all these while i been staying late too almost the whole week including weekends. And u r sayin i am not committed? i do my work the best way i know how and when i cant stay i cant i have other commitments as well..

Dunno if his replied meant well he said "i jus hope everything is allright"

If he is gonna fire me then i guess i will accept it.. I had enough, We all have our fair share of stress.. I work my ass off and tis is wat i get..I am ready for watever might comes tomorrow. though his reply sounds positive.. jus wait till tml.. he might have other motives

Time out

2007-08-20T12:19:00.000+08:00

MEt up with my Ariz, Shook and IS the usual frens i hang out with.. It was great la though i woke up with a slightly swollen eyes. Cos the night before was feeling irritations in my eyes. Ended up putting an ice cube over my right eye due to excessive rubbing earlier on. It felt as if my eyes wanna pop out feels so heaty and itchy.

Nevertheless never stop me from having a good time with my frens. Were suppose to catch the 1255 movie Poltergay. Yup u read it right Poltergay not Poltergeist. he he. Well i must say its lam yet hilarious. since the seats were mostly occupied the four of us had to opt for the couple seats. Must say its pretty comfy. wink wink.

Anyway had so much fun takiing pics as usual courtesy of Ariz digi cam. Dun leave home w.o it. he he Below are the pics. Oh ya went to the john little there to check up on RAW new sets of boxer briefs.. Sad to say no new collections yet. I am so gonna collect funky boxer briefs,.. weeee. So nice.. Ok right to the pitures.

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Uncertain

2007-08-19T21:32:00.000+08:00

Back again.. been a while since i last blog.Well it has been a bz bz time for me.. Oh well work will never end. I was having it up to the neck but managed to keep it cool. Enuff abt work.Hmm been goin thru some sad moments lately.. Regardin my mom..Haiz she is sad cos now she felt more alone since her son is married. I jus dunno how to cheer her up.. I work all the time and whenever i had to do OT i would be thinking will she be ok..

I know loneliness can bring to other things... like deteteorated health.. I dunno i jus dunno wat to do.. haiz..

I am trying my best to make time for all the ppl i love. my set of frens.. my life partner.. andd all but i cant be there as much as i wanted.. not with this job tat i am doing now.. I love them all.. i jus wan them to know if i am silent doesnt mean i dun remember u guys.. u guys are and will always be in my heart. Each allocated to their own space in this small hart.. and yang.. i love u god knows how much.. eversince i met u my life has been more colorful..

Moody

2007-08-09T22:23:00.000+08:00

Today had to come back to work cos of the dateline tml.. Jus imagine one person handling for diff engineers with diff needs. So far everything has been smooth until the last engineer joins in which is the China man.. Not tat i have anything against them jus for this particular one he doesnt even know how to organize himself let alone to amend the blue prints.. I reprimanded him yet he still do the same. Thus leading me staying back almost everyday even today.. And i cant still cant meet the dateline. His writings and amendments are so messy. so unprofessional.. Oh well tml judgement day stil have 1 and half drawings more to complete..

Tat aside.. Kinda sad couldnt watch the fireworks today let alone with the one i love.. haiz.. was my resolution to watch it with some one special tis yr but ended not.. haiz.. wat a day.. sucks..

Feeling too much

2007-08-06T20:45:00.001+08:00

ALONE
So many things happened for the past weeks. My brother finally got married. It has been a long tiring weekend for me as so many things to do and the part of cleaning the house.. Apart of tat it was great mingling with my cousins and all.. Been so long since everyone gather together.

But along come happiness come sadness as well. When u are always alone, every individual matters.. But my mom is the one who feels more depressed.. Bcos now when i am away to work she would be alone.. As matter of fact she jus told me she been crying these past few days whenever she is alone.. Gosh i jus dunno how to reply back cos honestly i can feel her sadness.. How i wish i could make her feel happy... But wat can i do.. Reality bites..

I am utterly speechless and deep down i feel as alone as she is.. Mom,, my biggest fear is to loose u.. Then i would be really alone.. Alone in this hse.. No one to wake me up.. no one to wait for me when i come home late.. and no one to joke ard with..

I know tat day would come its jus a matter of time... Sad..

Feeling too much

2007-08-06T20:45:00.000+08:00

Wedding day jitters.

2007-07-11T23:52:00.000+08:00

Its funny k the one whom suppose to feel nervous and excited is the coupls getting married. but this time ard its me.. i am so so so nervous. and now i am feeling insecure abt my weight... gonna stick to a strict diet starting with tml.. Only left with 18 days b4 thge big day and i will do my best to shed 3kg.. dun ask me why 3 cos tats wat i tot i can achieve within tat short period.. i jus wan to look my best on tat day... my very best.. right now i feel like i am so fat.. urgh.. crazy tats wat i am i guess. now..

A beautiful weekend.. Lost in my world

2007-07-08T11:54:00.001+08:00

A week of stress was totally destressed by a beautiful weekend with my sayang as well as my beloved frens and cousins.. GOt to spend time with all the ones i loved wat more can i ask for... Began with meeting Murni,Shook and Ismail on Fri right after work.. Was supposed to meet them asap so i reached cityhall at 6 on the dot(walked all the way from my workplace) to find out they were already there waiting for me due to some miscommunication. ha ha wat a way to begin the evening.

After tat as usual went to have our dinner at millenia walk long john silver. Took me a while to get into my crazy moood as i was feeling tired but managed to over calm tat. Was great once the mood sets in. We all began to joke ard with each other over dinner. Its amazing how light conversations when shared with the ppl u loved can make ur day. Love u guys. So after a heartful dinner went for some retail therapy and we soon after we decided to head home and share a cab. To our dismay there were no cabs as in all were on call and the que was so long. eventually we all took the bus home. ha ha ha. below is a pic of murni and shook hailing for a cab.

On Saturday met my beloved finally i managed to carve the next chapter and tat is by going to Sentosa.. Well wanted to ride the cable car but nvm next time k my dear. Hmm the monorail ride was ok nothing special and a lot of changes are goin on there.Musical fountain has changed its name to Songs of The Sea. Well lets say i love the old Sentosa where not much construction is going on. Now it seems so few places to go to there. Oh ya how can i forget the sky ride and carlsberg. Man.. so wanted to touch ur hands.. Oh well next opportunity then. he he below are the pics taken there. not much but enough to make my evening with u before meeting my cousins whom were supposed to go MOS but all decided to go bowling instead. I was totally overly dressed.Overly dressed to go to Sentosa all bcos at nite i tot we would be going to MOS. he he

Uncertainty?

2007-06-29T00:53:00.001+08:00

I dunno y i am still awake at this hr when i should be sleeping.. all i can think of is u my dear.. u make me realise how real u r.. How real we are... True i been in love but not as deep as wat we are having now.. U show to me how diff u are from the rest.. Not those monkey love relationship or even those based soley for looks and a for the sake of having a title "attached"

U love me for me.. and i appreciate tat.. AS day passes my love for u grows stronger and stronger.. I am doin my best to keep the fire strong but at the same time i dun wan to be over doing it.. cos i am afraid if i do i would lose u.. Neither would i want to repeat my past mistakes.. i love u for who u r and wat u are.. a simple lacky and not too much skeletons in the closet..

I wish i could give u diamond and pearls yang.. when we go out how i wish i could foot the bill for the 2 of us.. but alas i cant due to my finance unstability. Sometimes i would want to jus spend without having to worry tat i wont have enuff.. i jus wan to splurge on myself but reality check it will never be possible.. haiz.. my life is miserable..i feel miserable below tis happy face i put up everyday..

never believed i could be tis in love

2007-06-29T00:45:00.000+08:00

Waking up I see that everything is ok
The first time in my life and now it's so great!
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed
I think about the little things that make life great
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect, please don't go away, I need you now
And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it's so clear
Feel calm I belong, I'm so happy here
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

This innocence is brilliance, I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect, please don't go away, I need you now
[Innocence lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

It's the state of bliss you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It's the state of bliss you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It's so beautiful it makes you want to cry

This innocence is brilliance, it makes you want to cry
This innocence is brilliance, please don't go away
'Cause I need you now
And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

This innocence is brilliance, I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect, please don't go away, I need you now
And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

I am so foolish..

2007-06-27T23:37:00.000+08:00

If i could turn back the time i would.. Haiz a beautiful day turned ugly caused by some nothing better to do bugger..

Right now all i can do is to move on with the day and hope nothing ugly surfaces..We shall go thru tis together sayang.. I cant make things beautiful all the time.. Times like tis is wat brings us closer.. i love u and nothing is gonna change tat...

My room is a store

2007-06-24T00:02:00.000+08:00

First of all the let the pics do the talking. then i will elaborate. he he

TOday went back to work at 9am..Cant imagine i am incharged for this project and 2 engineers are working hand in hand with me.. Gosh jus imagine the kiosk to deal with 2 diff personality abd diff expectations. Overall conclusion workload is sure getting heavier now..

Tat aside meeting u for a while really made my day.. Even if it was for a short while. Seeing ur smile jus did the trick. he he.

After tat headed down to my cousins place didnt expect to see some of my other cousins as well and my mom also. so we carried some stuffs over into my room.. it was a work out he he he. furthermore its so hot and sunny today.. love it. After all tat carrying things we headed down to memory lane.. WEnt to Pasir Panjang market.. This place i used to accompany my mom when i was little. She used to buy a lot of dry spices and all for her hawker stall.. Sure bring back lots of memories..

Ok i better not start getting emo here he he he. After tat we headed down to eat at Changi point. wow had the best nasi ayam penyek.. Woohoo! and wat a best way to digest the food by strolling down the Changi point park.. and the sunset jus makes the day complete..

Responsibilty getting heavier...

2007-06-22T22:08:00.000+08:00

I dunno where to start calculating this month and next month expenses... Even before i get my pay there are like tons of money related subject mounting... Haiz.. talk abt trying to save when wat u earn heart painstakingly goes to ur bills and other money issues..

It feels kinda heart wrenching when u know u cant spend the fruits of your labour...Let me start some claculations.. 1: my 1st starhub bill amounted to $134 inclusive of 6% gst.. my monthly subscription is $45.. dun understand wat the G services is abt cos i have to pay $75 for tat.. my sms-es exceeded by 200 and i have to pay ard $35 so total mounted to $134+. Scary but have to accept it.

2: Abg is gettting married.. mom wants more money at least $400.. she wants to pay this aunt who can do the decorations to be sent to the gilr side.. so $200 is for my mom monthly contribution to her.. the other $200 for the aunt..

3: Has to pay mendaki the remaining of my tuition scheme while in poly which is left with $113..

4: Cousin wants me to contribute for my brother wedding cake.. Expected budget would be $100..

5: Need to top up ez link card.. $100 this time try to make it enough for the whole mth.

6: Power supply charges for this mth $162..

So after calculating... i have to fork out..$837.. argh... i am like feeling as if i am living on my own.. I am dumbfounded..tats almost 90% of my salary gone... Haiz.. haiz.. haiz..

I hate tis!!!

2007-06-18T21:30:00.000+08:00

Its all abt money money money! Wats wrong with my mom ni.. I jus got settled down on my new job. My bro is getting married so why do i have to sacrifice all my money,, This month salary she said dun touch it cos she wants to use it. I mean wat the heck, Didnt my bro did his calculations???

If not enough then dun get married! sheesh. I am angry because i jus got started on tis job and now i am going to pay half of the house hold bills. fine had tat coming but not to touch my salary at all.. That jus seems unfair. He also one more nuthead. He knows he is getting married and wants mom to do the cooking shouldnt u jus give her the money to get watever tat she needs???

I have to get involved in tis. i am gonna ask him straight forwardly how is the planning for his wedding and expenses. Its so annoying.. He is more stable than me why do i have to fork out all of my salary.. I have a life too.. Btm line if he doesnt havbe enuff then postponed the marriage! either tat my mom is asking too much cos she has not even recieved the money for the expenses from him.. Though they already spent quite a few from the trips to jb...

Wats wrong with this family. Now i jus dun have the mood to eat ah. Maybe i would jus not eat tml and the next and the next..

Legs stiff.. walk like a robot

2007-06-16T20:12:00.000+08:00

TOday I woke up with an intense stiffness on my hamstring my tigh.Muscle so stiff tat i can barely walk properly. I should have done stretches before playing badminton couple of days ago. Though i dun feel the pain the day after as much as today. Geez talk abt the aftermath. he he

It rained so heavily for almost the whole day. So wat i did is jus to lay in the living rooms watch tv.. ha ha yep.. for once not going out on a weekend. Yea caught up with my MTV, Cartoon network and Hbo. most of the time cartoon network and mtv la he he. So after a while it got a bit boring tat i took random snaps of the living room he he.
Was Watching something abt spy girls on disney channel.

A new beginning

2007-06-16T00:42:00.000+08:00

Hmm i dunno where to start sayin... Maybe i should say tis for all those who knoes me.. well diam diam lepu i am happily attached now. Dgn sapa? when the time is right i will tell he he.

I cant help it but eversince we r together sayang... i am drawn closer and closer to u.. Guess tis the power of love huh.. Can never understands it.Seeing u jus make me wanna smile always. It makes me forget abt my worries while i am with u..

By far.. just now was the most romantic moment of all.. Never would i tot something simple and plain like viewing the aeroplanes could be so calming and most of all makes me love u more deeper..

If i could make a movie.. i would video cam my moments spent with u...True i am naughty all the time.. I admit i am one crazy koyokboi he heh. Tapi i know my limits k yang so dun worry. Wats life without crazy ppl like me kan kan kan? he he at least tak setembok u lagik.. :x he he.
Below are the pics taken during our moments together..

Innocence

2007-06-15T00:10:00.000+08:00

Too tired to type. Besides my comp is laggin real bad. i wonder why. This week at work has been pretty relaxing. Had a game of badminton with my colleagues jus now. It was fun la. anyway i cant resist but to load tis music vid.. it makes me feel wat i feeling now abt u my dear syg.. Now y life focus ard u too..

Diantara Berjuta..Kau la satu satunya kebahagianku

2007-06-13T21:38:00.000+08:00

Yang terindah terlukis di bibir mu.Tak pernah ku lihat senyuman sebegitu. Hari demi hari.. Minggu demi minggu.. Cintaku buatmu makin mekar bak sekumtum bunga yg sedang mengembang.. Sungguh indah dan menawan..

Aku hanya inginkan yang terbaik buatmu sayang.. Walau macam mana letih atau sibuk diriku ini, aku sentiasa melapangkan masa buat mu kekasihku.. KErna kau adalah separuh dari ku..

Inginku melukis hidup kita berdua seindah mungkin yang ku mampu.. Ye la mungkin mereka akan berkata cinta baru berputik semua nya indah.. bila dah lama macam macam lak karena..Namun begitu sayang kekasihmu ini akan cuba sedaya upaya untuk membuat jalinan kita berdua mesra seberapa banyak yang mungkin.. Sukar untukku mencari cinta..,Kau datang tanpa amaran dan menghiburi diriku yang amat kesepian.

Selama ini aku menutup pintu hatiku namun entah mengapa sayang kau dapat membukanya kembali..

Aku cinta padamu yang.. Warkah ini hanyalah buat mu.. Moga - moga kita dapat berkekalan hingga akhir hayat..

It was fun while it lasted

2007-06-10T00:07:00.000+08:00

Ok i must say the CBNTM was such a great ideea!! In the beginning it really makes the adrenalin runs in my body. Cos as some of u know la i've always wanted to be a model. but reality check ha ha i am not handsome nor have the height for it. so all i can do is jus dress myself up to make up for tat short comings. So tis is the one photo tat i really liked for the first and last photoshoot i had with them.. Wish i know how to work on my posing skills.. lack of confidence..
This 1st pci was taken right after work. Rushed down as i dun wan to keep them waiting any longer..
Pose 1.(The best of the 3 pics taken)

Pose 2.(Do i look chubby here??)

Pose3. (was so so dead beat)

But of all pics taken right i still love tis one... taken by my fren at esplanade..

So au naturale. hehe.

A long Break

2007-06-04T23:06:00.000+08:00

Well lets say been donkey years since i last blog. Dunno where to begin.. I feel like re editing my template but then again am too dead beat to do so. Lets jus say i list out the things tat happened all this while..

Work:
Work has been like hell i tell u. Gosh jus imagine everyday have to stay and do overtime till 8pm. Meaning i start my day at 830am and i ended at 8pm... To top it up sometimes sat and sunday have to come back.. I spent my entire life to work.. Gosh i feel so bad though.. Lucky its for this mth of June. once July things would be back to normal i really hope so.. But still i make time for my loved ones.. yea u know urself wink.

Frens:
Ok i realised tis i have 2 diff sets of frens and both groups i am able to give my devotion equally. Though it does clashes sometimes and sory Keyis and Huda i didnt get to meet u tat night bcos of the photoshoot. Miss u lots Huda. But dun worry i am out of the game now so i will have plenty of chances to meet up with u guys.

Family:
As my brother wedding date approaches nearer my mom gets more excited. We bought most of the stuff already. Correction i mean she and her brothers and sisters have been going in and out of jb to buy the necessary stuff. My brother on the other hand had been bz getting the rentals for the chairs and wat not.. Looks like everything will be smooth insya allah.I on other hand will be gettin him a wedding cake. Hope i can find a decent one.

Now for U... my true love my whole heart.. my cute budak putih.. We r officially together and tat choice i made has never been better.. Clearly we r made for each other. Jus like u said i quoute, "we r the sweetest cutest couple jeng jeng jeng he he" yea kudos to tat! he he Tis week is kinda exciting well at least to me. Gave u surprises one after another. Took lots of courage to do all tat.. Our first kiss tat i will never forget it was sweet and passionate even though for a short while. At last the ice has been broken. We r closer together. I am here for u yang, tru bad and good times i will always be here for u.. I may not be the perfect lover but i can try to make u feel special. (",) we might have little fights in the future or even disagreement on some stuffs but i wan u to know at the end of the day i love u syg.. love u for who u r. Cheers to us.

May u be with the good ppl..

2007-04-29T16:23:00.000+08:00

Went out yest with my frens with a happy heart.. everything seems so perfect until i recieved the shocking new.. the dad whom disappeared from the family and left us with nothing but ourselves passed away..

Suprisingly when i heard the news i was not as upset maybe cos he was never part of my life ever since he left when i was 13.. ironically i was the first to see him leave and now he left forever..

The sadnness started to set in as the days cont on... All the memories of my childhood flashes back.. i jus cant describe the mixed of feelings tat he is gone forever.. All i can do now is jus pray for him... my feelings got so intense and i dunno why i can still go for a hair cut... now i really dun have a father...

Another update

2007-04-21T00:22:00.000+08:00

I have just taken a shower.. a cold one though. Been a while since i took a cold shower. all bcos my sunburnt skin is starting to peel. but then the skin feels so smooth hehe. i like.. anyway been a relaxing week. dun have to rush so much tis time around. and saturday i dun have to come back to work. phew.. finally i can wake up late. I am oretty sleepy man..but i am forcing myself to stay up a little bit more.. cant bare to jus waste the nite like tat.. Oh ya for those tat doesnt know.. i dyed my hair.. DIY. dunno wat got into me but one night i jus headed down to watson and bought myself a blonde gatsby hair color dye. At first the outcome seems weird.. wat do u expect.. first time so i am not used to it.. now right i feel like a mat.. ha ha.. oh well below is the pic... I look like crap though haha with my sleep eyes and all and after a shower.. till the next update.

a hot but beautiful day.

2007-04-15T23:54:00.000+08:00

Thank u CB gang.. i had a great weekend.. Jus the break i needed.. Never i tot i would enjoyed myself so much.. but now i am stuck with sunburn! argh,, on my forehead and my shoulders. and when i see myself in the mirror my shoulders and face looks kinda red.. ouch,, no choice tml wear sleeveless to work... he he.. love u guys.. nassir u sure am the light of the party.. love u guys so much,, once again thank u for a lovely outing.. still have to get the presents for the bday girls hehe.

Dealing without u..

2007-03-26T23:17:00.000+08:00

Today.. i didnt go to work.. though i woke up at 7am like i usually do.. i jus cant bring myself to go to work with this heavy heart.. so wat i did.. i left hme at 12 plus and i go to places where we were last with 2 weeks ago.. Went to city hall.. Walked up to the roof and stood there blank.. reminiscing the time where i waited for u up there while u were getting ready for ur performance on stage.. then i headed down to the ground floor and walk pass the drink stall where u bought drinks b4 we headed to the memorial tower to hang out with ur frens.. I am trying to let u go progressively.. by going to the places we were last with.. i am facing with my misery of losing u and trying to deal with it.. to make myself stronger.. Gradually i am not feeling as bad as yest..

Lonely i felt but i guess tats wat is fated of me.. Lonely..

finally i cry

2007-03-25T19:42:00.000+08:00

Finally i cry my hearts out.. been so hard to try to do tat since last nite. and now the tears jus keep rolling like an open tap water..on my sofabed and crying as i write tis entry..get a grip zaid.. get a grip..

a day trying to get over..

2007-03-25T19:15:00.000+08:00

Going thru today was the most hardest of all any normal days.. i slept at 4am last nite and ended waking up at 740am... and was suprise to see ur msg.. which i cant resist but to reply back. and from then on the xchanging of msg lasted for 2 hrs.. and now its really over.. u made up ur mind.. jus like tat.. today i spent at hme and thanks to murni bebeh for keeping me company and encouraging me.. tis when i really need someone to be there for me.... Still too many memories on my head tat i am trying to erase.. everything i do jus end up getting reminded of u.. looking at the clock in my bedroom reminds me of the clock in urs. and the time how we tidy up ur room together.. it was only like last weekend we had our dinner together with ur close frens... now but now.. tis sunday i am stuck home.. no more having to wait for ur call to go out or meet u...
i never feel tis much pain in my entire life.. it still feels so depressed no matter how much i try to put a brave front..

Its over

2007-03-25T02:37:00.000+08:00

Its over,, its over.. i am once again left broken.. now i am really dead.. no more msges from u.. i was not ready to give up but u did.. even if i try my best to make it right u jus wont give me another chance... now my hp is jus gd as dead as well.. back to square one.. alone again.. no one gonna msg me anymore. its gonna be so quiet. y cant i jus have a decent relationship.. we met 4 yrs back but we drifted apart.. then we met again last dec.. and now tonite.. once again history repeats itself.. each time i give my heart to someone i am left crushed again and again.. i dun have the strength anymore.. down, depressed.. empty again.. i am shattered.. there is nothing for me to look forward.. i guess no one is goin to fall for me anymore.. cos each time i let myself do.. they ended up leaving... leaving me on the curb to hang alone by myself... I am so ALONE>>> ALONE. cry my hearts out tonite, cry for all the memories tat are left behind.. y u leave me eventually when only last week u said u had no intention of leaving..

Kenapa aku selalu menjadi sedih dah keseorangan..

2007-03-23T19:05:00.000+08:00

Hati ku remuk sekali lagi.. Sungguh tak ku sangka semasa ku berjalan ke tempat kerja.. air mata ku jatuh berlinang... teringatkan kekata mu semalam di msn.. Aku faham betapa payahnya untuk mu untuk memahami diri ku ini.. Namun setiap kali bila aku ingin menunjukkan bahawa aku gembira bersama mu, kau katakan bahawa aku hanya "whining"..

Aku sedih kerna bukan itu niatku.. kerna kau la antara yg lain yg betul betul kenali aku dan betul betul serius dgnku.. namun.. ada tingkah laku ku engkau tidak boleh terima.. Bukan aku sengaja berbuat demikian.. padaku cara itu yg betul tapi nescaya ia bukan kepada mu..

Inginku mendengar kata kata mu.. tukar pendirian ku yg kau tidak suka.. Aku hanya boleh mencuba sedaya upaya ku.. bukan senang.. sedangkan aku sendiri tidak memahami diriku apatah lagi engaku.. Aku sedih.. aku tak suka jadi sebegini... argh...

trouble mind.

2007-03-11T19:51:00.000+08:00

Hmm now tat my career is on track, its time to ponder on serious relationship.. Ever wonder once u get the love from tat someone things are not going to be easy from there onwards.. I am referring to the obligations tat falls on ur shoulder automatically once u are an item..

U tend to think more abt how and wat would the other party feels.. u tend to do silly things u never tot u'd imagine u would ever do.. all those sacrifices jus to keep the other party happy... But how long can we do tat?? Tats a tough question even i cant answer tat..

For my case if i fail to make the other party, i would feel bad automatically even if its gonna be hard on me.. Ii would do my best to achieve.. some ppl might jus say dun be stupid.. but for me.. no matter how tough its gonna be i will do wat it takes to make the other party contented..

Haiz well not only tat u also tend to have other issues arousing. Like for an example can tat person be trusted? When u read the msges on tat person's phone and sees names u never seen b4 saying hi "hows ur weekend" and wat not. U tend to think hmm who the hell is tat and is there something fishy goin on here... Jealousy strikes..

Tats a gd thing isnt it to feel jealous. It could also means u care so much for this person..

Last but not least u tend to question urself sometimes.."Am i good enuff for him/her?" when u couldn't fufill ur part on certain circumstances would tat person try to find it from someone who could?? "haiz.. its confusing.. I do wan to do my best to make the other party happy. And of cos i am aware i cant do tat all the time..we r human afterall.

Jus tat wat i worry is if i cant do my part and satisfy the other party well.. would tat person leave me and walk away.. As much as i dun wan tat i know sometimes it couldnt be help.. but i tend to sail sidetrack for a while sometimes cos i know tat person is the ONE.. If possible i wan to paint more happy and enjoyable memories forever.. Once i made up my mind there is not turning back but to proceed on...i do want it to last as long as it can..i am tired of those puppy love n ppl getting hitched jus for the sake of the title and sex..

The Lucky 10

2007-03-05T00:32:00.000+08:00

Well i've been tagged! So without further ado here goes.

The Lucky Number Ten

RULES:
Player of this game with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. Tag six others to do the same and list them at the end. No tagbacks.

1. I can be very defensive cos i dun believe in givin in easily.

2. I have another nickname given by my late grandma and its "Syukur".

3. Its hard to understands me. One moment i can be read like a book the other complicated like trying to solve a crossword puzzle.

4. Maybe a lil vain cos i do my best to always look gd. to the extend i may overdid it.

5. I jus love to sing and karaoke.

6. Once i put my mind to a decision i will not give up until its the last option.

7. I am into fairy unicorns and magical stuff. I know they existed.

8. I like to do house improvements stuff. like decor and interior.

9. I can be really really notty. Only a few will see tat side ha ha.

10. Lastly i cant stand too flamboyant and overly confident smart ass.

There it is something deeper about me. Next on the list would be.

* Hilmi
* Fareez
* Moonie
* Hahn
* IS

First day at work

2007-03-01T23:35:00.000+08:00

Left house at 715am today and boy was it raining.. It sure was a cold morning and to top it up i couldnt find any umbrella at home. So jus went off and when i reached bugis i still have to walk to get to my work place. And it was still raining but it wasnt tat bad.. Jus got drenched a lil..

Went for the normal orientation and introduced to everyone in the office the manager, assistant manager. etc.. u name it.. he he. Got my own space and it was nerve racking trying to adjust to the whole environment. Luckily the team i am in has a lot of malays so its easier to communicate. And they are really a funny bunch..

The drawings i got from the architect was so complicating.. Lots of amendments to do. Well not bad la at least i managed to start off using the software with least difficulity.. Tomorrow another challenge.I am going to do my best to overcome it. Good luck Zaid!

Permulaan baru.

2007-02-28T19:18:00.000+08:00

Betapa cepat masa berlalu.. Esok akan ku mula kerja baru ku sebagai draftman.. Draftman yg akan dilibatkan dalam projek "Integrated Resort". Sungguh tak ku sangka aku adalah salah satu tenaga sepadu yang akan membina resort ini..

Sungguh tidak dipercayai.. Namun hatiku agak gelisah dan gementar esok.. Dapatkah aku menjalani bahagianku dengan baik? Bolehkah aku memberi prestasi yang kukuh. Aku hanya boleh mencuba segala upayaku..

Cuba untuk mengerti

2007-02-28T18:50:00.000+08:00

Cuba untuk mengerti

Baiklah.. aku harus meminta maaf kerna salah anggap kepada seseorang kawan. Walaupun aku hanya inginkan semua berbaik semula.. Namun tindakan aku hanya membawa kepada kesulitan yg tidak di ingini. Suatu salah faham yang tidak seharusnya berlaku..

Justeru itu aku ingin luahkan rasa hatiku kepada masalah salah faham ini untuk menjadikan sebagai pengajaran bagiku.. Sesungguhnya kita adalah manusia yang tidak lari dari membuat salah.

Cuba teliti situasi ini.. Kita hidup berkawan dan apabila antara satu bergaduh yang lain turut juga terlibat.. Namun separuh yang tidak terlibat juga akan cuba melibatkan diri secara automatik.. Mengapa? Mengapa haruskah mereka yg tidak terlibat apabila mendengar pergaduhan itu mula membenci kan kawan itu? dan justeru itu mula mengapi - apikan suasana yg terlebih dahulu sudah gamat..Mereka akan mengambil pihak yg mereka lebih gemari dan akan pula megeluarkan kata kata kesat kepada pihak yg tidak digemari. Mengapa haruskah perkara kecil dihebohkan dgn pihak luar ini?

Bukankah kawan harus cuba untuk menolong membetulkan jikalau ada salah faham antara satu sama lain? Walaupun sedemikian manusia adalah manusia.. Ada manusia yg suka melibatkan diri dan mengheboh-hebohkan suasana. Manusia yg seperti kusebutkan dalam ruangan aku malam ini.. Aku hanya dpt berkata terus terang aku tidak dianggap seperti kawan yang sebenar dan aku sedar lebih lagi selepas melalui masalah ini...

Getting on track

2007-02-24T15:00:00.000+08:00

Back for another update. First of all thank u Fir for the congrats msg! woohoo ok now i got a job. ironically the software tat i am hated back then in sch, i am going to use it at my new work place..Tat is autocad. Well i am bit rusty but i wil do my best to get everything together again.. I feel so relieve. Now tat i get tis job i am goin to make the best of it.

I would be the draftsman involving in the Integrated Resort. Sounds scary right. Who would have tot i would be involved in tis big project.. So excited and nervous abt it now. wonder wats in store for me in this company. I would be working at the Concoursse building which is somewhere near bugis..

Gosh tis is the break i need. Time to get myself rightfully on track. Time for a change and work hard..

Headache Headache! Headache Headache!

2007-02-13T01:13:00.000+08:00

Arghh wassup seh with this head.. and nose. only one sided is heavy and headache and the running nose its like i turn to my left side the left nostril gets watery i turn to the right the right nostril gest watery. argh.. so wrong timing.. hancurkan plan jer,. baru ingat nak cari kerja nari.. anyway dah Selasa.. cepatkan.. wonder how Vday tahun ni gonna be like..

Is it going to be mr lonely and go out jus to see couples exchanging gifts and kisses.. or i am gonna get something?? he he
well as matter of fact i did get something for my fren last yr. ferrero roche and a stalk of rose which cost 12 bucks man.. at esplanade flower shop.

Oh talking abt flowers. last sat tat i went out and was chillin at riverside mall with Is and Hazy there are ppl with basket full of flowers.. kinda early to be passing flowers dun u think.. Man.. Singaporean would be Singaporean. so kiasu.. Anyway i feel like i am writing rubbish now.. my head suddenly feels light sometimes feels heavy... damn,.. its really really making me feel like wanna puke but i cant..

Chillin with HAzy and Ismail

2007-02-11T02:11:00.000+08:00

Alrighty today met Is and Hazy at Orchard. Must say the weather has been great lately with the sun and windy atmosphere. Its like u feel like u are at the beach all the time.. Well to me tat is.. Really feel so so relax.. and its been a while since i feel tat way without nothing to worry abt..Ok when Hazy finally arrive we head down to Lido to eat cos we are all famished. Never eat anything from the moment i woke up. ha ha so we Brunch at macdonald. Must the crowd as not bad la today. So after tat i had a crazy idea.. been a while since i went to arcade so i said hey lets play arcade.

All the way we walk to lucky Plaza. We ended spending abt 10 plus i think jus ot get tickets on the games we played. From shooting the ball to kickin the ball and steering a pirate ship. And oh ya there these 2 mats who were so kind to us. They pass their winning tickets to us all bcos i think hazy said she wanted a teddy bear. haha Thanks Hazy. more pix below.
The Ball thrower game

The winning tickets!

Hazy and Ismail on the kick the ball game

Me kicking the ball man. (Dun i look kiddish??)

Ismail on the remake of The captain of Pirates of the Carribean

Our winnings after xchangin the tix!

So after hrs of playin at the arcade we headed to Riverside mall. Hey its really nice jus by the river and it was a windy night. jus beautiful. Below are the pix of Is and Hazy. What can i say we r camera whore. Jus cant resist taking pics. ha ha.

Me feeling tired. It was almost 10pm. Or at least ard there

Finally posing with Hazy. She's the start of the party tonite. Boy i look like a little boy... damn the short haircut.. so short man the hair..cant even style it.

So that concluded my day for today... jus plain chillin..

My true feelings.

2007-02-09T01:44:00.000+08:00

Hmm ok here is the thing.. i almost wanted to give up bloggin.. Really was on the brink of jus deleting my account cos i cant get a grasp on myself yet.. I feel more lonelier if there is such word. Guess i am really really suffering from depression.. Man.. how ironic coming from a person who used to be lively and cheerful and so easy going..

I suppose age has catch up with me eventually.. Each time going out with the cbians no doubt i would be reminded of how old i am and tat certainly doesnt feel nice at all.. Not nice cos it jus makes me feel useless.. Cos i have not achieved anything yet.. jus getting older and uglier and fatter and looking ridiculous the more i try to look normal...

Jus look at Fir and Fai both are going somewhere in their lives.. Fir has already have a stable career.. and never looked so much better going to gym and all.. Fai on the other hand.. has bike license(i been wanting to get that but still pending) and is pursuing his degree in physiscs..

I am not comparing my frens with me i am jus trying to show how successful someone can be.. I on the other hand feels wasted..Each day tat passed my mood goes down with it.. I am a let down.. No wonder i am the least liked in the game played by the cbians and wat not.. Though its jus a game but it reflects everyone opinions and tat is the truth.. I dunno y i even bother to try... I know its pointless yet i jus try.. I wont be surprise if i am totally alone one day..No one to talk to..no one to laugh with..

This feeling is so immense at times sometimes when i am alone at home i would jus look into every room.. empty and neat.. I know it wont last.So i am jus trying to take a mental picture of how everything is in this house before its gone. Right now i still have my mom and my elder brother but one by one will go away someday.. My bro will soon get married.. and he will leave the house.. sooner or later i would be left alone.. and if i still couldnt get a job by then.. i am as gd as dead.. cos i cant even afford to support for myself let alone to pay for the bills for the house..

Even as i type this entry i cant stop my tears from flowing.. I am at a point where a convict whose been given the death sentence to jus wait for the final day... Jus waiting for the day where i would pass on.. Leaving nothing but my memories behind.. I am weak now..Everything is lost..my confidence.. my courage... my believes...

Ku tak mampu untuk bergembira lagi...
Di manakah arah tujuanku ku tak tahu..
Diriku sekarang bagaikan tempurung yg kosong..
Hanya menantikan hari ku pergi..
Kuharap aku akan pergi sebelum abg dan ibuku..
Hati ini sebak tidak dpt memberi kebahagian kepadamu..
Segala kasih sayang yg dicurahkan padaku hanya sia sia saja..
Maafkanlah kerna ku membesar menjadi seorang insan yg tidak berguna..
Inginku membalas jasa jasa mu tapi diriku tak mampu...

I am alone afterall

2007-01-15T22:30:00.000+08:00

Ok i shall not talk abt how my 2006 has been i mean its over so no point talking abt the past.. Been a while since i last update tats bcos was thinking should i stop altogether.. Cos the more i write.. the more upset my entries would be.. abt me whining and complaining abt myself.. Am making myself vulnerable to those who dun even know me.. Or maybe its jus my pessimisim is talking...

Been working part time eversince the beginning of the new year it started off as a 2 weeks assignment but now they extended the project for another week..Basically the working place started off from me reporting to the warehouse at GlobalMax near Expo and from there deliver the IBM stuff to the Handover company situated at Techlink at Kaki Bukit. Ya if u notice depending where i stay its a hell of a journey to work.. Well wat to do need the money so must endure.. As if its not enough after delivering the products i need to verify the stuff and see if its right.. its messy i tell u cos it comes in pallets.. u know pallets where a piece of wood is stacked with carton of boxes.. Hard labour.. oh well..

Fir these 3 weeks i worked i notice how lonely i am.. My hp seldom rang.. It made me realise i am a loner huh.. Ppl tat i tot are my frens i guess are jus there temporarily.. I am jus a watcher?? Or another word the narrator in the movie.. U jus see the ppl ard u passes by... and reminiscence their presence for a while.. After tats done.. u r back to ur lonely life again..

I know i am afraid to be alone.. but i guess its my fate huh... i am jus a watcher...

New Yr REsolution

2007-01-03T18:31:00.000+08:00

Its 2007! So i am going to start a new beginning now.. Had a new hair cut yest and now am working part time all the way till 15 jan since its a 2 weeks temp assignment. though its short at least i get to earn some cash and repay those i borrowed from when i was really tide down. My resolution for this year.. Is to find a stable career and stay on for long and build my life step by step. Get bike license, apply for citizenship since i am a PR though i was born here. Then save as much as i can so tat when my brother get married and move out i would have enough to support my mom as well as the flat utilities expenses..

I am going to work hard.. I dun wan to be sad anymore. I will have a hold of my own life now and slowly bring myself back on track...Gd Luck to myself. Oh ya i wan to get my hp earpiece which cost 68 bucks. Been 2 mths now since it got spoiled..

I can't hold on to me. What's wrong with me.

2006-12-25T17:02:00.000+08:00

On the serious note.. I know i am in a mess.. Jus tat i am so used to console myself tat it turns out tat i am running away from the reality.. From the reality tat i am pretty much a rundown person..in a big mess..a burden.

Wat am i doing to myself.. Each time i am faced with a prob i will try to calm myself and think positively. It may sounded the right thing to do but actually its another way of running away from them..

Its been a month plus without a job and i am actually very stress abt it but i tried to overcalm tat feelings by going out frequently to meet my frens.. Get the pic? trying to be calm but actually i am running away from the real problem and not putting effort to make it work.

Someone make me realise tat.. And now i sees it.. I am not putting in all the effort tat i ought to.. True i do send out resumes regularly on the net..But tat alone is not enough.. I really need to snap out of this cesspit.

I should not go out aimlessly anymore unless i have enough cash with me or out to find a job.Honestly i go out also its because i feel so alone.. Tat part is killing me.Frens.. how long can we depend on them? They may look ok to u but like u said who knows behind u they are jus bitching abt u.As matter of fact its best not to depend on anyone. Thats the right way..I am sorry.. Sorry for myself.Sorry for the frens tat have to endure to my shit.

I deserve this.. I deserve to be alone for now to get things str8.. I cant count on anyone and i will not. I dun wan to be someone whom depends on others. I am bringing myself down. I need to set my priorities str8.

Apart from tat, i need you to believe in me.. I am stubborn i admit tat. We all have tat level of stubborness in us sometimes. But i am not using it as an excuese for wat i am now. Its jus a part of me tat i am constantly trying to fight. I am not lying to u. No.. As much as i want to make u happy sometimes it jus turn the other way round.
I need to get this ground right. All the late nite talks we have, i do listen to wat u r saying. Jus tat i cant change overnight but God i am putting in the effort no matter how small it is. I am pushing myself now not because of u alone but for my own good as well. I do want to be the figure behind ur shadows tat gives u support. No one ever knows me well like u do. Sometimes when u sms me ur sincere thoughts i get so speechless.. I am honestly touched tat there is someone who actually really really cares for me.

I just need to prove it to u now tat i can do it...I am pushing and pushing myself now..

Perfecting the Camera whore art.

2006-12-22T21:57:00.000+08:00

Pardon me cos i dun like typing much. Below are some pics i took with my frens. Man.. i need to learn more the art of posing he he.

Dimanakah haluanku

2006-12-21T22:10:00.000+08:00

Hari ini aku duduk dirumah. Diriku rasa sungguh malas.. Kalau nak ikutkan hati rasa rasa hendak keluar aja namun aku sudah berjanji untuk tidak keluar. Jadi apa lagi.. Menghadap la Tv di ruang tamuku..Aku tahu buat masa sekarang ini hidup ku tak kemana mana..

Masih seorang insan yg masih tak ada apa apa kemajuan dalam hidupnya..Aku harus aja berhenti berharap.. Tapi adakah itu jalan yg paling baik?. Sememangnya aku tidak harus berfikir bergitu...Setiap benda yang hidup mempunyai peranan masing masing jadi tiada seseorang itu yang dianggap tidak berguna..

Aku harus banyak bersabar.. Satu hari nanti akan ku dapat mencapai impianku.. Buat masa sekarang aku harus tekun mencari..

Courtesy Of EEekwan

2006-12-19T01:54:00.000+08:00

Courtesy of EEkwan. How cool ha ha Hugo model..

Dealing with my true self.

2006-12-18T22:54:00.000+08:00

Hmm i am back to square one now.. tats it k.. i am not expecting anything to happen.. Right now jus have to look forward and get tat bloody job... Wats the point of having a diploma.. Even havin a diploma its so hard to get a job.. Tis is my share of pain in life huh..

Being bugged abt my insecurities, my desire to find a perfect job.. Love.. well i dunno how tats coming.. i dunno... I am trying not to think so much abt all this.. Jus need to be stronger and deal with it.. Life is like a box of chocolate u'll never know wat u gonna get..

I may look happy in the outside but inside of me there is this sad boy who jus wish he could take the pain he is feeling away...

Sometimes i jus wan to go to a far away place and start a new life.. away from everyone i know.. Oh well i better not dwell so much.. Everything happens for a reason.. so watever the situation i am in now there is a silver lining somewhere... jus need to look harder..

Another cold night tonight.. Some how i jus feel like standing in the rain and soak myself wet.. Once done with tat i would then forget abt the problems i am stuck with now..

I can't get hold of myself.. Am i doing it right?

2006-12-17T23:04:00.000+08:00

Its time for an update.Well yest went out with IS and frens accompanied him shopping.Was fun. Oh ya bumped into u. Tat was a surprise actually he he tat shows how much our path crosses each other. Even without planning to meet we ended up bumping into each other again.I was happy to see u even if its for a while before i hung out with Is and the rest went to Bugis to have dinner and then dunno where to go we headed to orchard and my was it packed. Its the season to be jolly so i am not surprise the crowd to be so big.

Hmm talking abt Christmas.. I wan a Sony ericsson earpiece!! Argh! too bad mine got spoiled.. Been a month since i lost it. Now i cant listen to the songs from my hp.. Anyway back to the topic we went to Heeren then we decided to go back to Cityhall to chill at the rooftop.. I jus love to be there.. Apart from being near the sea.. i love to be at high places... Its so spiritual.. At least to me tat is..

So cut story short went to Happy and met the CB gang along with IS frens.. The crowd was pathethic though but hey i tried to make the best of the 15 bucks i paid..

Honestly i was a bit upset u couldn't make it.. Nevertheless i manage to take it out on the dancefloor with Hilmi. We danced and i jus let all my feelings go..Hmm i really need help.. I am so afraid of this one particular thing.. Afraid to be lied at and toyed with.. Now i dunno how i should play my cards.. I dunno wats the right way to show ur devotion to someone whom u love.. i dunno if wat i am doing is the right way of showing my care.. Here is the list.. I would love to 1:talk on the phone each nite talking abt anything. 2: Share ur probs and at least try to make u feel happy by being there. 3: To bring u out on movie dates or a fun cycling or roller bladding at east coast. 4: To dance so close with u in the club and hopefully get to kiss u passionately on the lips.. 5: To be around u as much as i possibly could..Wat else do i miss.. Anyways these are wat i wanted to do.. Tats how i would shower my love and concern.. But then u said to take it easy.. So.. now i am taking it easy.. I have cut down on msging u and let alone calling u... But i know deep down tat would jus spell disaster.. Cos to me by doing tat i am cutting short my communication with u.. And when tat communication is less the chances of making a long lasting relationship is slim..

So.. wat am i suppose to do now.. i dun wan to do anything to jeopardise this relationship. True u said we are still new.. heck not even a mth together but let me tell u this.. i dun need to be with u for long to know wat kind of person u r. We are both scorpios so i can say i pretty much understand ur character.. ur ego.. ur pride.. Tell me if i am wrong.. Y dun u tell me how u want it to be... cos i dunno whether the direction i am going is the right one.. Anyone have any advices.. I am all ears.. Oh ya i never really show u this but i really hate it each time ur fren whom ask who u r with and u ended up telling u r with a fren instead of ur lover.. I understand u dun want that group of frens to know tat u r already attached cos ur afraid of the gossip they might spread.. But hey like i said.. ppl will never stop gossipping.. Ppl will never stop to find fault with u.. Its all a matter of how u handle them.. If ur conscience is clear u dun have to bother so much with the tell tale tellers cos when they realise they cannot break u they end up getting embarassed themselves..i know its easier said than done but its not impossible jus need the determination..

This is ur life.. U dun expect some bad eggs to ruin it.. U have the right to choose whether to let them do tat to u or either tat u jus dun pay attention to them and carry on with more other important stuff.. U said u disappeared for 2 years jus to stop them from gossiping but now u r back and does the gossiping stops.?? No it doesn't now its some other new gossips.. So need i say more.. we r both scorpios and i know we can be stubborn sometimes.. but can u at least try to understand wat i am trying to say.. I dun wan u to live in fear of ppl who are jus waiting to talk abt u..I wan u to face it and live the life as happily as u can.. U have problems well so do everyone. TIs is not a fairytale life..U can't expect things to go ur way.. I care abt u.. If only i can say all this to u and make u realise tat u have nothing to fear.. someone help me..

Chilling out with my frens

2006-12-13T01:53:00.000+08:00

Today basically went out to meet Hariz in the morning accompanying him with his shoppings and giving comments whenever needed. Glad he is happy. After tat met up with Shahdan and Rafiz, Eekwan and Asrie at Woodlands to have our dinner. Which after we met Dalilah and Naha and Fairuz at Esplanade. Over there we had a nice time taking pictures at night.. Guess i purposely force myself to take pictures.. This is to boost my low self esteem.. I hope this method works and make me a very more confident intellectual. Below are a few pics tat was taken.
This one is my favourite.. Aren't they cute.

This one i guess i need to work on my angle.. Wassup with looking away from the camera.. Go figure hehe

Last but not least. I manage to conjour up some confidence to look directly at the camera.

So that concluded my days with the gang. Had fun taking the pics..Still have a lot to work on though.

Sorry i misjudged u.

2006-12-13T01:07:00.000+08:00

Ok referring to my previous entry sorry for the outburst.. It was jus a small misunderstanding on my part.. I understand u more now.. i really hope tis time ard i can make it last as long as possible.. i will contstantly fight with my low self esteem.. unlike u.. u have everything.. the killer looks the bod.. anyone would die to be with u and make them theirs..

I dunno why u chose ot be with me considering from all those who are 1000 times better than me.. nevertheless i am going to give my bst shot.. jus be patience with me tats all i ask for..

It was all too good to be real

2006-12-11T22:20:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. i know it... it was jus too good to be true... u were doing fine today until jus now when we were suppose to meet up.. jus wat did i do wrong? u never reply to my sms jus now and when i call u up jus now u hang up on me.. Y..

Man.. i hate tis.. i dun deserve to be feeling like tis.. first u make me feel love and now u make me feel hate.. the thing is i dunno why u r behaving like tat.. i am not forcing u to meet me.. u can jus say maybe next time..

I am disappointed.. now i am feeling shitty for something i dunno if i did wrong or not.. cos u never even reply back to my sms today except for in the afternoon jus now..

Guess i am back to square one huh... back to where i am alone again..i knew it.. it happened so fast and it could also ends fast... I am pretty much miserable at the moment..

Semi complete

2006-12-11T02:36:00.000+08:00

Ok diary here's the thing.. fate really has a funny way of making ur life twist and turn.. the least unexpected thing i expected to happen happen.. Yea its like all this while i have been whining whether will i find tat love.. will it appear and yada yada yada... Guess wat... it did,, its like something hit u so fast tat u didn't even know wat hit u.. I am not gonna describe the details here cos i want it to stay in my memory while it lasted..

I must admit i am ecstatic but hey being the complicated person tat no one knows somehow there is a tiny weeny itsy bitsy stuff tat i am concerned abt.. Its like it happens so fast... is tis gonna be another jus a short ride or a long memorable journey of my life..And for once i need to stop feeling tis insecurity tat i am feeling.. I jus cant shake it off.. need to stop with having doubts.. But dun blame me for putting my guards up cos i've been hurt so much and its surprising tat i am still allowing myself to fall in love again. Funny huh. I will never learn will i.. This persistence i have scares me too..

Anyway i cannot let history repeat itself.. there is something i need to change.. not to act based on my emotions alone.. Now its a whola a diff game.. so its a new book a new chapter. I am not going thru getting to know tat person's past cos i know i will not be happy if i listen to it.. So now as much as i wan to give my all i still am uncertain whether is tis really happening..

How strong or true u r towards me.. I tot i saw a lil bit of jealousy when i talked to the yet another unexpected encounter with a net fren whom i saw for the first time.. i tot i saw the change of facial expression on ur face... or maybe its jus my imagination. ha ha i am a very imaginative person wat can i say.. but hey u r a whola hot person its me who would feel a lil bit uneasy cos its like so many ppl would die to get to know ya and all.. Oh well like i said things always happens for a reason..

Now i need to learn more abt u.. understand u.. its still new of cos everything is gonna be sweet and nice. jus wait before u know it the dirt would be seen.. but hey be it how bad it can get i am still gonna accept u cos u r who u r. I accepted ur proposal tat nite at west coast and must say tats the sweetest moment i ever had., Jus one thing.. i jus hope u dun understand why u dun want the guys in the group to know.. i dunno why u r so scared if they know.. u said there are going to be drama but hey.. Sooner or later they will see it.. actions speaks louder than words.. Right now.. i am jus dun wan to push watever is happening. i need to act rationally from now on.. I dun wan to be a clingy bf. neither would i want to nelgect u even for a sec. wat i am saying i am gonna play my cards with cautious cos tis is something i wouldn't want to jeopardise. I jus hope i get a job soon and tat would make my life complete and i dun have to worry abt being short of cash,.. And if any of the CB guys read tis entry.. i am sorry to whoever tat had to fork out money for me especially ina and ikwan so tat i can club together.. Really i am sorry u guys.. I will make it up to u guys.. I know where i stand so the next time u guys going clubbin i wont be coming k cos at the moment i know i cant afford it. and i dun wan to be a burden.. So guys.. if u do visit my blog.. i am sorry..

HONESTLY I M NOT DOIN SO WELL

2006-12-09T03:25:00.000+08:00

Finally i used a new skin for my blog. Hope its user frenly. I wanted to do more but am pretty much tired. Jus wan to get tis done and over with. Jus a penny for my tot.. Why aren't i happy finally i get wat i long sought.. I should be happy nevertheless when u give ur heart to someone u are telling urself be prepared for the worst.. I want to start a new chapter but why do i feel tis doubt abt tat person's feelings.. Can i believe wat u say 100 percent.. Cos when i give my heart i will give it my all..

Heck i dun wan history to repeat itself again.. I dun wan to be a toyed with again.. But wat is this i am feeling.. Why i am so afraid... Though i have already taken the step forward and now there is no turning back.. I need to overcome tis feeling.. Hope i can sleep later... I am still feeling troubled.. I jus cant put it into words.. Who to belive and should i jus see it for myself.. get to know from scratch and judge based on the actions now and not abt the past.. I hope i am doing the right thing..

back to basics

2006-12-06T02:44:00.000+08:00

These are the chnages in me... the first pic depicts my old pic and the rest following are my current oness. See how much i've changed dunno if its for the better or worst..

Yet another day

2006-12-06T00:40:00.000+08:00

Today was interesting made a suprise visit at Nassir's work place.He was shocked to see me there cos the thing is its all the way at Bedok.. I should have taken his pic jus now in his uniform hehe and post it in my blog.

I am in love with this Nelly Furtado song.. Hmm jus feeling every single beat of it now.. There's so much i want to say but i jus cant put my feelings into words.. Tis is the result of keeping too much in my mind.. It jus becomes hard to pour out wat u really feel into words...

I love the song so much tat i am leaving the lyric..

Nelly Furtado All Good Things

Honestly what will become of me
don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is daily
We are what we don't see
Missed everything daydreaming

[Chorus]
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?

Traveling I only stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
Young and restless
Living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets in and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
[ these lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?

Well the dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could
Dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could
Die die die die die

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?

Well the dogs were barking at a new moon
Whistling a new tune
Hoping it would come soon
And the sun was wondering if it should stay away for a day til the feeling went away
And the sky was falling on the clouds were dropping and
the rain forgot how to bring salvation
the dogs were barking at the new moon
Whistling a new tune
Hoping it would come soon so that they could die.

Juus another day..

2006-12-03T02:52:00.000+08:00

Today was jus another boring day.. Went out late ard 8 plus to meet my fren for a while to get something from him before meeting ina under her block. There we chit chatted and must say i never felt so relax.. jus dun feel like going back cos i know once i am back hme my life gonna be a standstill again..

I realise i am jus like the Tv ya u heard me the TV. once u switch it off it becomes dull, quiet and boring but when u switched on its full of life so many things to see and so exciting.. Once i am hme feels like i am in a cave no one to talk too except for the walls and other tangible stuff now i wont go there yet cos trust me when i am there i am better off in the asylum..

Frens.. how i wish i can really have a real fren.. i dun wanna be the observer anymore.. i wan to participate in the picture.. no longer jus a passing person in someone's life.... Sad to say... despite everything... i feel alone... alone tat it hurts so much.. If it weren't my strong will to live i dun think i would stay alive this far..

I wan to be in love... i wan to feel like i am needed.. i wan a life tat i can look back happily when i am old.. It scares me tat i might jus end up dying alone one day with no one noticing me passed away... I am bothered with the way i am now.. i dun expect anything.. but jus maybe a little hope to look forward into the future.. I need... i need... love....

Y can someone who is so bubbly and easygoing like me feel so insecure... I.. i wan to stroll along the beach and watch sunset and cuddle up till the sun sets.. i wan to snuggle up beside that person in bed and lay my arms ard tat person and have breakfast by the bed.. Maybe for ppl like me tat is something tat is hard to accomplish.. it has always been the case.. Maybe tats how my life is going to be... Maybe...

I still Belive

2006-11-30T22:01:00.000+08:00

Was minding my own business jus now doing my usual stuff. Browsing thru the net and downloading musics and all. Somehow i didn't know tat i downloaded tis song by the old diva Mariah feat Bone Thugs so i decided to hear.. And i am glad i did cos it changes my mindset.. The title of the song is I Still Believe.. It hit me hard tat true my position right now being jobless, single, broke and watever u can add in. I jus need to believe in myself. Belive things will look take a turn for the better. Its jus a matter of time..

I need to work on myself now. My self confidence, learn to love myself.. Tat part which have been neglected God knows since when.. Jus need to believe and have faith. Though writing it is easy than putting it into actions but still its not impossible.. Lose the Ego Zaid.. Be a better person as much as u can be..

How guys xpress their love

2006-11-30T01:12:00.000+08:00

I got this from an email sent by my fren. Normally we only get to read abt how Girls express their feelings and wat not. Well this is the Guy version. Jus tot i share it with the world. Enjoy

How guys xpress their love!!

When a GUY is quiet and is
alone,
He's is thinking how good you're, Miss
you!!!

When a GUY is lying on his bed,
He is thinking deeply why he loves you.

When a GUY looks at you in your eyes,
He wants to tell you how much he loves
you and
how important you're.

When a GUY answers "I'm Fine" after
awhile,. Ki
He is not and feels hurts.

When a GUY keep asking you the same
question,
He is wondering why you are lying.

When a GUY hugs you while sleeping,
He is wishing that you belongs to him
forever.

When a GUY calls you everyday,
He Miss You and wants your attention.

When a GUY wants to see you everyday,
He cares for you and want to know how
are you
today.

When a GUY sms's u everyday,
He wants you to know he is fine.

When a GUY says I love you,
He really
means it.

When a GUY says that he can't live
without you,
He has made up his mind that you are his
future
wife.

When a GUY says "I Miss You",
He wants to see you immeditely.

I belong to me..

2006-11-27T01:17:00.000+08:00

Hmmm for the past days i guess my emotions been on the rocks..Tis is wat happens when u got the whole world to u. U got the to think a lot and reflect.. No doubt getting to know the CB members put more spice and color to my life.. But i dunno how long i can go on like tat.. Right now my main concern as the days go by my finance start to deplete bit by bit and soon enuff my prepaid value would be zero.. When tat happens i guess i would be entering my darkest self time again..

Oh well i hope it wont be so bad.. I shall try to make the best of wat i can. I definitely dun wan to go back to my darkest moments again..

Tat aside.. Thru my life or should i say in general in everyone's life we will go thru the relationship thing.. Where u meet someone u like and hope it last as long as it can but somehow along the road things got messy and the journey ends.. I bet it happens to all of us.. For my case i dunno y.. Though its been time and time again i been hurt searching for this so called LOVE hoping finally i am able to share my life with tat someone. I dunno y i am not giving up looking.. I jus keep on trying and trying eventhough i know the process of finding one can be so demoralising and heart wrenching..

How many times have we come across the situations where u like tis person but tis person loves another or they are jus trying to recover from a bad relationship and so on.. Tat jus makes u wan to give up right... Basically tats wat i think i should be doin but i dunno why i am not.. Maybe its jus one of my nature huh.. Nevertheless i admit there are times i jus wanna stop doing everything jus dun bother at all but i cant cos i know how terrible it is to be alone.,. Ya we have frens but frens and a lover are 2 diff thing. Both are equally impt.

All i can offer now is jus my sincerity to be my bubbly cheerful self.. There is also a saying the most calm person is the actually the most unstable person.. I guess its true for my case. Haiz.. i got so many issues.. partly low self esteem due to the breakups i went thru, my self confidence went down bit by bit this resulting me having inferiority complex..

Now all i can do is try to make myself feel sane as long as possible my darkest and saddest moments are yet to come.. Sometimes i feel so alone then i jus take the pillow and force myself to sleep.. Tat way i can dream i am somewhere nice with tat special someone or anything nice.. Tats how i deal with myself sometimes..Now as much as i yearn to be loved i know its not coming my way any sooner.. i jus need to try to deal with tat... If one day someone tend to fall for me.. love me for my personality and and character cos tats wat i can offer nothing more nothing less my sincerity..

I cant hold back the loneliness..

2006-11-25T12:17:00.000+08:00

I dunno why i am feeling like this again.. Its like the cycle is ever rotating.. Right now as much as i wanna cry my hearts out i jus need to be stronger that bein alone is not so bad afterall.. Have my fair share of the deal.. Dunno why i am ever so looking for the real love. The one tat lasted for years and years..

Guess my luck is not as lucky as some ppl are. They met and they fall in love ever so sincerely and lasted together so long.. For me i always like to make a challenged to myself.. If the relationship lasted till my birthday it would be an everlasting one. nontheless its never the case. Never happen..

Sure i have frens we all do have frens but how many can we actually call frens those who really accept u for the real u the one tat will go thru the pain and the joy together..

It feels so demoralising sometimes to the extend i guess i better keep things to myself thus the reason why i stop writing my blog last time.. Cos i cant bear to lay out my real feelings.. Now i am back to square one. no love no job no money.. Back to where i began coincidentally the same timing like last year.. Tat jus make me feel so useless.

I.. i dunno wat to do next... not expecting anything either.. Sigh jus see wat happens next.. Though i wont give up in searching for both love and career.. So stress as it is but i wont show this side of mine..

Akhirnya Tercapai Juga

2006-11-24T04:05:00.000+08:00

Jam di dinding menunjukkan sudah pukul 4 pagi. Mataku mula merasa layu menandakan sudah waktunya aku masuk tidur.. Apakan daya aku adalah seseorang yg keras kepala. Selagi aku tidak dpt apa yg aku inginkan selagi itu aku tidak akan cuba usaha. Ternyata tercapai juga hasratku untuk menyempurnakan lelaman blog aku ini..

Akhirnya hatiku tenang kerana dpt meletakkan pemain musik kedalam lelamanku...Itu ketepi, sekarang aku rasa diriku kembali seperti sediakala seperti dulu..Di mana aku mencari kerja yg stabil lagi..Aku harap hatiku tegar mencetusi apa rintangan yang bakal dilimpahkan padaku..

Walaubagaimanapun aku cuba menguatkan diriku, aku tetap merasai hatiku yg keseorangan..Entah kenapa disebalik senyuman dan tawaku adalah jiwa yg amat sedih kerna memikirkan nasib aku ini. Haiz.. Aku ingin menerusi menulis tentang hatiku ini namun kepalaku amatlah pening sekarang.Lebih baik aku masuk beradu.. Sampai ketemu lagi di episode hidupku ini..

I'm back yet Again!

2006-11-23T23:11:00.000+08:00

Ok i shall not rant abt why i never been updating and it took me tis long to update so jus sit back and enjoy my new entry. Today was extremely fun! I woke extremely early cos i dun wan to be late. I mean i try my best to and indeed i reached on time jus to realise my fren whose name is Hariz is gonna be late!

Well its not the first so i jus sat down near the ticketing machine and one hand listening to my hp mp3 player. Well if only i have not lost my earpiece i would have pop it into my ear.. Oh well jus gotta wait till i get a job and a get a new one..

Anyway eventually he reached and we went to have our lunch at LJS at Cineleisure. after tat i met up with Shahdan and Ina at Harbourfront before heading home. he he K la i shall not say much,There are things tat i want to improvise.. Any idea how to put songs? hmm i jus need to figure.. Below are the pics taken during my outing today.

I hate it!

2006-03-18T17:07:00.000+08:00

Staying at hme today and its a sat.. Not tat i dun wan to go out jus tat not enough to go out..Man.. anticipating my first pay is so heart wrenching.. In the meantime guess i should jus rot at home..

Have u ever wondered the meaning of havin real frens. Wats the meanin of Real Frens anyway? A fren should help out each other and always keep up with each other not only be there for the gd times but for bad times as well..How many times have we come across situation like u r in need of help but once u share it with ur frens they change the topic and talk abt something else instead or themselves.. Annoying right.

Guess there is not such thing as real frens huh.. Mostly are jus using each other for some selfish reasons whenever they feel lonely.. Using each other as an excuese so as not to be left out in tis world.. Annoying..

Tat apart.. Haiz i am jus bothered abt some stuff..First of all abt my cousin's issue. My closest cousin to be precise..Back then she was really in a desperate spot. And there is this fast way of making money tat is to use a person's name to buy handphones
u'll get paid by the no of lines u contract urself too.

So out of pityness i helped her.. And she promised once she sell her house which she eventually did she would terminate the no of lines tat she uses my name to buy. She terminated the lines but she never pay off the termination fees.. And tis is wat bothers me. The whole amt rise up to 1700.. And i have to pay it off monthly 300 bucks.. I feel sad.. My first pay i get i will have to set aside 300 jus to pay off tat bill.. It feels so unfair y should i be the one paying it. She should have settle the bill when she sold her house but no... she splurge the money out and now she is not only making herself in a deep shit but dragging me as well..

I have so many plans.. so many things i want to do but now i have to put my ideas to a halt..I wanted to enrol myself and get a motor license. i wanna get tat someone a nice present. a psp perhaps. i want to splurge on myself a bit.. but now...everything is screwed.. totally screwed.. I hate tis. i hate it!!

Bersantai bersama kawanku

2006-03-12T11:49:00.000+08:00

Ok la nak ikutkan dah lama juga tak nampak Nisa,Is dah Shook terutama sekali Nisa. Rindu serindunya kat dia seh. Rindu dgn senyuman dia, kegilaan dia dan apa apa yg sewaktu dgn nya. Walaupun kiter org tgh budget namun dpt juga menghiburkan hati masing masing. Seronok la. Dari Orchard berjalan jalan kiter turun ker far east than lepas tu ke cityhall esplanade sampaila ke marina promenade.

Ramai seh org semalam fuuyo tol nyer ribut. Lagi lagi ngan mat mat and minah minah. So cut story short kiter duk bersantai di tepi laut. Dilamun bak angin sepoi sepoi sambil mendengar lagu sungguh mentenangkan fikiran. Haiz alangkah seronok nya kalau tiap tiap minggu berkumpul sebegini.. K la ni dia gambar gambar yg dipetik oleh cameraman kiter Shook dan Nisa bebeh.

My Blue print so far

2006-03-11T12:54:00.000+08:00

Lets see its been quite sometime since i started work.. I am thankful for tat opportunity. U know we r human afterall and there is alwats somethings tat jus we dun like but tat does'nt mean we should follow wat we want. Its not always right to follow ur heart. So i am not going to. I am trying my best to like the job. Going to make a point to stay there for as long as i can.. lets say a yr plus and hope i can grow there..

The job really takes a toll on me sometimes. Despite i have to face the comp most of the time. I am so gonna get something for my eyes.. If not i would go blind one day..Oh well this is a new beginning for me so i am gonna make a good start.

Tat aside my peers are ok with me jus tat one of them really annoys me sometimes. The way she act towards any questioned asked to her jus makes my blood boil. Its so annoying on how she reacts. And the other teams i dunno la they r trying to get to know me but i am sure they r mocking me. Maybe i am the only one who stands out there.. With my appearance and sense of dressing. Watever it is they r not going to get to me. Jus tat if they r nice to me i would be nice to them and if they step on my live wire trust me i am not goin to go easy...

Been a while since i started work..

2006-02-23T23:03:00.000+08:00

Hmm guess u've heard i found a job at last.. There is so many things tat i dun like but this time ard i am going to look it in a different perspective..

I am gonna try to commit to this job for a yr.. If by then i cant take it then i guess its not meant to be to work there..For the past 3 days it was pretty boring. I am under the mac os x team.. Man most of my teamates are so boring.. Lucky 2 of my seniors who i am under are lively.. If not i would die of boredom..

Oh well lets look on the bright side its FRIDAY!!! he he meaning weekend is jus ard the corner,..Hmm wat should i do and go???

Weight issue!

2006-02-19T00:36:00.000+08:00

Man.. This weight of mine is bothering me a lot. For the past few days i had nothing but junk food. Jus starve myself with fried food and all.. I keep saying i wanna go on a diet but i dun think i am following the regime. I was too lenient on myself huh.

Oh well i wont give up until i shed some kg. So i am really going to abide by a strict strict diet. Starting from tomorrow. I am going to refrain from having more than 1 meal a day and less water to drink.. I would wan to start jogging but i hate to do exercises. So its down to strict diet and disciplinary.

I did it b4 and i am going to do it again.. Jus hope i can manage thru it... Really wanna loose the kg..Till then i wont have much confident in my appearance..

No title

2006-02-18T16:18:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was my first and the last time i would be working in banquet.. Well actually its an easy job to earn extra cash but one thing abt it we r required to serve wine and beers and not to mention the non halal dishes.. That is jus something my brother and mom are against off. Its like the same as u earning a "non halal" income..

And they dun want to pay for the sins if i do.. Haiz they r pious bunch and i dun want to inflict anymore burdens to them more than i already did..

And i respect tat.. So now i jus have to pray i get thru the 2nd interview this coming monday as "Trainee Technical Specialist." Really hope the engineers wont ask me tough questions. Cos the last time i got these few technical questions which blew my chances of getting the job..

Its raining heavily here and its a Sat.. Wat am i doing here at home.. The boredom is killing me slowly..

i am charismatic?? REally? Any comment ppl?

2006-02-15T18:24:00.000+08:00

Your Seduction Style: The Charismatic

You're beyond seductive, you're downright magnetic!

You life live and approach seduction on a grand scale.

You have an inner self confidence and energy that most people lack

It's these talents that make you seem extraordinary - and you truly are!

What Is Your Seduction Style?

Time to prove wat i am capable of..

2006-02-15T18:07:00.000+08:00

Did'nt do anything much today.. Woke up and did my daily routine and switch on the tv to watch Debbie Travis Facelift show. The show is all about designing houses so cool. So my kind of taste.

Went down to the clinic for a while jus now to get high blood pressure pills for my mom and when i wanted to get back it started to rain!! Well like i always do. I walk in the rain slowly. Somehow it has a calming effect on me. Walking in the rain has never been sweeter..

Got another call today from this company called T-est. Not bad now i have 2 interview tml one in the morning and the other at 230. The first interview is abt software and hardware testing sounds interesting and the other is Administrative Executive. I will give my best shot. I try not to be nervous. True i dunno wat kind of questions they are going to bombard me but all i can do is be as honest answering them based on my experience.. Tats all i can offer.. My commitment and an open mind to learn new things to further upgrade myself both knowledgeably as well as experience..

All the best Zaid Sulaiaman..

Aku.. dan diriku..

2006-02-15T02:14:00.000+08:00

Aku tak tahu mengapa aku sgt sgt emosi.. Apakah yg aku mahu..Setiap kali aku menatap gambar - gambarku aku rasa hampa.. Hampa melihat diriku sendiri.. Aku sepatutnya bersyukur dgn apa yg diberi tapi kenapa setiap kali aku melihat gambar ku sendiri aku rasa ada jer yg tak kena..

Mulainya esok aku akan mulakan diet ku.. Gilakah aku..Entahla aku pun tak tahu..Aku akan memberi diriku 3 minggu untuk mengurangkan berat badanku... Walauapa pun yg jadi aku tak akan makan lebih dari satu kali sehari..

V-DAY!!

2006-02-15T01:17:00.000+08:00

Well V-Day was jus over an hr ago.. Though i dont really celebrate it but if i have a chance and the money i guess i would love to make a candle lit dinner by the sea and a night filled with clear sky and stars with occasionally sea breeze..

Tat would be the most romantic get away for me. Ha Ha Anyway i guess its because of the V-day i dressed up to the nines.. Dunno if it was overly dressed cos i got plenty of attention from passer by though. Oh well like a proverb once said ugly ppl always need to dress up so tat they would look presentable. ha ha

So there u go. Guess i was presentable today tats why ppl notice me. Gave Murni a surprise by coming into her shop and giving her a stalk of rose. he he

Should see the expression on her face it was priceless man tat put a smile on my face.. After tat we head down to Clementi Mc and had our late supper and man.. i think i am sufferring from eating disorder. One moment i have no mood to eat and on the other i was like gobbling down fries and big mac like there is no tomorrow. Now i feel so bloated. I so need a diet regime badly..
Man.. i have to start tml with one meal a day and 2 glasses of water..

Suatu ketika di Pantai East Coast

2006-02-14T01:24:00.000+08:00

Daku mulakan hari ku ini dgn berjumpa kawan ku Shahdan kerna ingin mendaftarkan diri untuk bekerja di banquet Mandarin Hotel yg terletak Bersebelahan Cineleisure. Entah kenapa hatiku degap degup seolah-olah hendak meletup padahal kami telah melalui latihan hari sebelumnya.
Difikiran ku aku bimbang bahwa bolehkah aku melalui rintangan bekerja di banquet. Hatiku sungguh resah. Nati pada jam 10.30 pagi aku ada interview di daerah bukit merah. Anehnya aku masih belum tidur lagi.. Entah la ada la tu yg tak kena. Hatiku gelisah entah kenapa..
Walaubagaimanpun tadi setelah selesai mendaftar kan diri dan melalui inject typhoid kami beredar ke pantai East Coast. dpt juga aku tenangkan fikiran ku. Melihat awan berarak mengenangkan aku bahawa kuatnya kuasa Allah.. Sungguh menakjubkan..Duduk di atas batu itu seolah - olah membawaku ke alam lain. Alam yg sungguh tenang sehinggakan aku memetik beberapa gambar langit serta alam sekitarnya..

Sampai di sini saja lamaran ku malam ini. Sehingga ketemu di hari lain..

I love u all my frens

2006-02-11T00:55:00.000+08:00

Ok i start my day today with a bad mood.. Zara called up to settle some discrepancy...Di pendekan cerita me jumpa kawan lama sha sha kat McCafe nak pass some stufff kat dia. Duduk berborak borak ngan dia dna Hilmi. Kemudian nya Huda pulak turun and jumpa kiter orang. Best la lepak cam gituk. Rasa-rasa dah berkurun sejak kiter oran glepak cam gituk.

Lepas makan jer kat Long John Silver kat Lido me,Huda dan tak lupa Hilmi jalan jalan kat Topman. Ish betul la me pantang nampak benda.. Lain kali card nak kena disembunyikan. Nampak satu v neck tee kaler kuning cair lawa giler so lepas try berkali kali hati ni pun belik. Ish gaji tinggal berapa jer tapi belanja macam duit tu air. Ni can do kena budget from now on.

Sedihnya Hilmi kena balik rumah kerna dia kena pergi apa seminat tah kat sekolah adiknya... Tinggalah aku dah Huda. APa lagi la kiter jalan jalan kat City hall suntec. Oh ya org nari ramai seh. Bderduyun duyun seh rimas dibuatnya. Dah tu Khai lak join kiter orang. Kiter jalan jalan kejap lepas tu duduk kat Pacific Cofee makan strawberry cheese cake yummy,

Ok la pendek kan citer kiter org jumpa murni and went home.. he he tu la dia agenda untuk hariku nari.

Chingay PArade with frens!

2006-02-05T13:48:00.000+08:00

Tu lah dia gambar gambar yg dipetik oleh ku semasa di Pesta Chingay. Sememangnya bila sampai jer ke tempat destinasi iaitu Orchard Rd, di sempadan kaki lima tu dikerumun ngan pelbagai jenis manusia.Macam Macam karenah dpt dilihat. Ada yg terjengkik jengkik nak lihat kat acara itu. Ada juga yg menjunjung anak mereka di atas bahu mereka. Alangkah seronoknya kalau aku di dlm situasi bergitu. he he tak payah susah payah jengkek. Oh ya aku tiba di sana dlm kul 7 maklum lah gara gara tak baca surat khabar jadi aku tak tahu yg jalan menghala ke Orchard Rd ditutup. Jadi dgn semangat berkobar kobar aku naik la bus 106. Tak sabar untuk menjumpa kawan. Disangkakan bus tu berhenti di Orchard. Nasib baik kawan ku shook msg ku dan beritahu bahawa tiada bus yg akan lalu di Orchard jadi dgn lincah kaduk aku pun turun di Grange Rd dan jalan kaki ke Orchard mrt station. Nasib baik sampai tak lambat sgt. Fai, Shook dan Is tgh tunggu dekat kaki tangga. Sampai jer sana kena tunggu lagi seorang kawan yak itu tak lain dan tak bukan Azuwa bebeh!.

Pendek kan citer, oleh kerana kiter tak dpt lihat sgt acara chingay tu kiter orang punu beredar ke cineleisure dan makan di Long John Silver kali ini ditambah lagi dgn kehadiran 2 kawan IS . Lepas tu kiter orang patah balik melihat pesta Chingay yg seronoknya lepas pesta tu mereka ada kan dance party beramai - ramai di jalan raya yg tertuttup tu. Sungguh seronok! Macam macam gaya ku lihat ada yg joget macam ada ulat di dalam seluar ada yg joget tangan mengapai ngapai kelangit eh macam macam la. Kiter org pun apa lagi disaat pertengahan semua org mula berdansa.. Ish best la kalau ada peluang nak pergi lagi la. Tu la dia apa yg berlaku padaku semalam... sampai di hari lain.

Getting Close to Family

2006-02-02T00:31:00.000+08:00

Ceremony of "Cukur Rambut" For Nuradawiyah

Ok first thing first last Sunday aka CNY Day 1 went over to my cousin's place at Bukit gombak cos got "Cukur Rambut" for her first child NurAdawiyah. She is 3 mths old.

Well the ceremony started at 11 but i went there late with mom. It was great to see the rest of my relatives again.. Stayed there till ard 5 plus and headed home Uncle Yan send us back home.

The next day my cousin called me up and we had a small family gathering. they fetched me and we headed to Beach Rd to eat first before heading to Marina Square to play bowling.

Man it was so crowded.It jus strucked me dun these Chinese have a celebration to celebrate? Houses to visit, oranges to xchange but no.. they had to crowd the malls. Everywhere we go we see them. It was rather annoying actually. Wats becoming of the Chinese races in Singapore they dun really celebrate their New Year.. Personally i think they r jus making use of the public holiday more..

Anyway had 3 rounds of bowling. Must say been a while since went for bowling. My cousin Aki taught me the right way to throw the ball properly. Thanks to him i had a couple of strikes and an average of score 140 pts per game.

After tat we wanted to have dinner nearby Marina there but it was already crowded by the Chinese ppl. Dun mean to be rascist but jus feel annoyed la. So in the end we had take aways and headed to West Coast oh ya before we left There were a display of fire works.. The feeling was magical. So beautiful.

A make over!

2006-01-28T22:45:00.000+08:00

BEFORE

AFTER

Well its really not a big make over and i did not do it on me. Its for Khai!! Yea.. Ha ha ha today went out with him and first thing first i dress him up with my baige shirt with some squares designs printed on it. Then when we were window shopping we came across this shop at Peninsula Plaza.

The shop is called LP man.. i love everything there and there is this high cut shoe which caught my attention. I have always been a freak ffor a high cut shoes. So there it was laid on the display. So damn cool! Now i jud cant wait for my pay and ya there is this blazer which is so damn nice i jus have to get it!!!

Ok tats next on my wish list. Anyway Khai was trying on some jackets until my eyes lay on some blazers which i too liked so i ask him to try it on! man it looked damn nice on him and the new hair style which i helped him to style. Everything falls into place, he look so diff and much better..

Life is never Fair

2006-01-27T01:41:00.000+08:00

The interview today sucks.. i jus dun wanna say much but i was pretty disappointed...SO when its over i was pretty much on the lows... A little bit carried away well maybe but hey i am human afterall..

All i can say it sucks big time.. Never have i felt so deranged.. Oh well i cant give up now.. Jus need to look ahead and try harder. yeah easier said than done.. Dunno why.. maybe the depression is getting a toll on me so i fried myself some crinkle cut fries and gorged myself down..

Now i feel like crap.. Its time i am gonna start my atrocious dieting... Mad? maybe i am..

Oh ya i jus finished watching Cheaper by the dozen part 1.. man tat show really gives me a hard time. jus make me eyes watery.. how cool if i could have a family togetherness like tat.. I never really experience tat.. It jus saddens me.. Oh well tats life.. Its never fair..